Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

My mom rescued me from a cage in a shelter last year, and now I’ve got a wonderful home with all the food, water and snuggling places I could possibly want. She’s even taught me how to sit, stay, come, follow and get things for her. She loves me and in her eyes there’s nothing I can do wrong … well, except for one thing. I have this habit of stealing hair bands and all kinds of other things, and I put them all in my water dish. Yes, all of them. Sometimes Mom comes in to find that I have plastic wrappings from food, or even ties that secure bread bags.

Mom keeps wondering why I steal, and she’s even told everyone I’m a cat burglar! Is this true? Is that why I was in that cage? I’m starting to wonder if I was born a thief and it makes me sad. Can you help me understand why I do this? My mom is wonderful and I don’t want to make her sad. Please help!

~ Toby

This is Toby. Doesn't he look handsome?

Siouxsie: First of all, Toby, let me reassure you that you were not in that cage because you’re a bad cat! You found yourself there because you unfortunately fell in with some bad humans who didn’t realize how awesome you are.

Thomas: Fortunately, your new mom does know how awesome you are, and I’m sure she’s not angry with you for stealing things.

Dahlia: But she might be worried about you. You see, Toby, if you actually swallow one of those hair bands or twist ties, you could get very sick. You might even have to go to the vet and have an operation to get it out!

Siouxsie: We think it’s actually quite adorable to take things and put them in your dishes. In fact, I’ve even done that myself … back when I was a young and foolish kitten, that is.

Thomas: Yeah. Now Siouxsie only brings her toys and puts them in Mama’s chair. And on Mama’s bed. And on her lap …

Dahlia: Now, Thomas, you be nice. After all, you’re the one who’s always bumping Mama’s hand to try and get her to pet you while she’s trying to work.

Siouxsie: Yeah, ya big brown-nose!

Thomas: My nose isn’t brown, it’s brick red!

Dahlia: Anyway … back to the matter at hand. Toby, we don’t think it’s likely that your mom will be able to train you to stop stealing things, and that’s because in fact you’re the one training her and her daughter about the importance of putting things away when they’re finished with them!

Siouxsie: We had to train Mama the same way, but she’s much better now. The trouble is, now she’s too good at putting things away and we can’t find tasty morsels or people-food dishes to lick anymore.

Thomas: We hate to share the way Mama’s gotten us so stymied in our quest for forbidden goodies, but for the sake of keeping you safe from eating things you shouldn’t, we’re going to.

Dahlia: It’s really, really important that your people put things like hair bands, bread ties, bows and ribbons away so you can’t get to them. Little plastic storage containers work well — and since we don’t have opposable thumbs, if you close the containers correctly, we can’t open them.

Siouxsie: Plastic food bags should be put in drawers or boxes where they can’t be accessed.

Thomas: Mama calls this the Lead Them Not Into Temptation approach.

Dahlia: And trust us, we’d rather be led not into temptation than delivered from evil!

Siouxsie: Dahlia, you silly little thing! You know cats can’t be evil!

Dahlia: It was just a phrase. Sheesh!

Siouxsie: Toby, sometimes cats get into human things when they’re bored. Do your people play with you enough? You know how a good game of Chase the Mouse can just tucker you right out? Well, you should make sure your humans play with you every day using an interactive toy like Da Bird (our very super-favorite toy) or Neko Flies chaser toys (another favorite of ours).

Thomas: Check out this video of me — oh, and Siouxsie and Dahlia too —  playing with our bird toy. You’ll see how much awesome fun it is, and I promise you’ll want one of your own, too! (Please forgive Mama’s “Blair Witch ShakyCam”; she says it’s hard to hold a camera and play with kitties at the same time.)

 Dahlia: A quick word of caution: These toys should be put away out of your reach when your people aren’t playing with you. Again, you wouldn’t want to eat the toy by mistake!

Siouxsie: So don’t feel bad, Toby; you’re just being a cat. It’s your people who are going to have to learn to accommodate you on this one.

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Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

My cat is approximately 5 years old. I adopted her from the ASPCA over a year ago. She seems to be afraid of her toys — the ones with little stuffed animals or feathers hanging from sticks — and runs away when I try to play with her. She prefers to pounce on my arm and grip it, play biting it. How can I make sure she is getting enough stimulation and exercise without sacrificing my arm?

~ Maureen

Play is super-important for happy (and well-behaved) cats.

Siouxsie: This is an odd situation, Maureen, but we think we can help. We cats do love to play, but there’s a right way and a not-so-right way to play with us.

Thomas: A lot of people think they can play with their cats like they’d play with a dog — that is, getting them all riled up and excited by waving toys at them or perhaps even putting those toys near their faces. That doesn’t work so well for cats.

Dahlia: When you play with your cat, you need to exercise her prey drive.

Siouxsie: Think about the kinds of critters we hunt: Mice and birds. Some cats are “mousers” and some cats are “birders,” and you’ll find out which one your cat is when you play with her.

Thomas: Mice move along the ground in uneven jerks, sometimes standing still. They often seek shelter or move in quiet places. If you use a toy with a stuffed animal on the end, or even just a plain old six-foot-long shoestring, use these kind of motions.

Dahlia: Birds also move around on the ground, but then they suddenly take off. When you play with a feather toy, use this kind of motion.

Siouxsie: Most importantly, don’t wave the toy right in your cat’s face or aim it at her head. That will scare her and she won’t want to play with you.

Thomas: Start out by dragging the toy along the floor, several feet away from her, using slight jerking motions to attract her attention. You’ll probably notice that her eyes will start following the motion of the toy. If you keep doing this, making the toy’s movement unpredictable, she’ll get into a crouched pose. You might see her tail starting to twitch a little bit. Then her muscles will tense … and bam! She’ll be on the toy!

Dahlia: Make the toy “struggle” for a few seconds as she wraps her paws around it and bites it, and then let it “die.”

Siouxsie: When you play like that, you’re engaging her whole prey cycle: hunt, catch, kill. You can make the experience even more awesome by giving her a small treat afterwards so she gets to eat once she’s killed. (But keep the treats very small in size and adjust her regular feedings to compensate for the extra calories so she doesn’t start gaining weight.)

Thomas: As for what you can do about your kitty stalking and “killing” your arm, think about what kind of motions you’re making when she goes after your limbs. Are you making small motions like typing on a keyboard, knitting, writing or drawing? If so, she may be attracted to the motion of your fingers, the pencil, the knitting needles or the string.

Dahlia: What that’s telling you is that her prey drive is not being sufficiently exercised. If you’re able to play properly with your cat, so that your attempts to play with interactive toys don’t frighten her, you’ll be able to burn off a lot of that extra energy and it’s very likely that the arm-attacking behavior will stop.

Siouxsie: When she does attack you, cry “ow!” in a high-pitched but not excessively loud tone, and put her on the floor. This “ow! and down” technique has been very successful, particularly with kittens. The high-pitched squeak is a tool kittens use to tell each other that the play is getting too rough.

Thomas: Jackson Galaxy, cat behaviorist extraordinaire and star of the Animal Planet show My Cat From Hell, made this short video on how to properly play with your cat. This could be helpful, too.

(In a reader? Watch the video here.)

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

Last night I found my 18-year-old cat, Pinky-Boy in front of our space heater, and his whiskers and “eyebrows” are now severely burnt from standing that close. He’s going blind, so maybe he just didn’t realize where he was. I know the space heater seems like a safety hazard, but we have three other cats, and nothing like this has ever happened before. But yes, the heater is now out of reach from Pinky. Anyways, back to my question: can I cut off the burnt edges of his whiskers? I know that whiskers are very sensitive, but because they are so burnt, could the ends be cut? Thank you so much!

~ Katie and Pinky

Siouxsie shows off her whiskers to great effect. The whiskers, or vibrissae, are a vital part of the feline sensory system.

Siouxsie: Well, Katie, first of all, we want to reassure you that you’re not a bad caretaker for having a space heater! Most cats never go close enough to a space heater to burn their whiskers.

Thomas: But when Mama had a space heater in her house, I loved to get so close to it that I singed my fur more than once! It was kind of embarrassing, really … but it was just so cold and I wanted to snuggle up next to the heat.

Dahlia: An interesting thing about cats is that we comfortably endure much higher temperatures than humans do. Animal behaviorist Linda Case discovered in her research that while humans are very uncomfortable at temperatures above 112°F (44°C), cats can tolerate (and even enjoy) temperatures as high as 126°F (52°C).

Siouxsie: So that’s one reason why your Pinky is so in love with your heater.

Thomas: As cats get older, much like people, we tend to be less able to control our body temperature. You’ve probably noticed that elderly humans tend to like much warmer environments than their younger counterparts. We feel the same way.

Dahlia: But now, on to your question. We believe you should not trim Pinky’s whiskers, and here’s why.

Siouxsie: Although the whiskers themselves don’t have nerves, the reason our whiskers are so sensitive is because there are lots and lots of extra nerves in the hair follicles that grow our whiskers. It’s those nerves that react when the whiskers are touched.

Thomas: Cats whose whiskers are cut off tend to lose their sense of orientation in space. This would be extremely hard for a blind cat to deal with! Even the singed ends of his whiskers are helping those nerves to relay messages to his brain about his environment.

Dahlia: The ends of the whiskers will probably fall off on their own eventually, but meanwhile, leave them be.

Siouxsie here. I love my bed so much I didn't even wait for Mama to get it out of the box before I slept in it! If she got me a bed warmer, I'd love it even more.

Siouxsie: You can help make your sweet Pinky more comfortable — and less likely to romance your heater — by providing him with a heated cat bed. This will help keep him comfortably warm, and if he’s a bit creaky with arthritis, the heat will be very soothing to those sore joints.

Thomas: There are three common types of heated beds. One has an electric heating pad that releases a steady heat as soon as the cat gets in it. These tend to be the most expensive.

Dahlia: Beds also come with removable microwavable pads filled with buckwheat or other materials. These can retain heat for half an hour to an hour, and are the least expensive.

Siouxsie: Thermal, or self-heating beds, use insulating material to reflect the cat’s body heat back to the cat. They don’t warm up as fast as electric beds, but they are more affordable.

Thomas: If Pinky already has a bed, you can buy a pet bed warmer and insert it under the fabric cover.

Dahlia: So, Katie, we hope we’ve answered your question and given you some options to help keep Pinky nice and toasty without risking nasty injuries.

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have two male cats. They are brothers but from different litters and this started when they were younger (well on my male cat’s part anyway). My male cat is always trying to “hump” my sister’s male cat. I thought it was because he wasn’t getting to go outside as much as he wanted and so I allowed him to stay out as long as he wanted and hoped that it would help but he does even more so now. I mean he is literally (or so it seems) trying to mate with the male cat. I know that having him fixed might help a little bit but I can’t afford that right now and so my biggest question is, how can I stop my male cat from trying to mate with the other male cat? It’s getting a little ridiculous and annoying. I love my cat and I don’t want to get rid of him! Help me please.

~ Tracy

Siouxsie: Well, Tracy, your cat is most likely mounting your sister’s cat because he’s frustrated.

Thomas: He’s sexually mature, and he can smell the female kitties in heat in your neighborhood, but he has no way of getting to them.

Dahlia: So he displaces this sexual frustration onto your sister’s cat in the form of sexualized aggression.

Siouxsie: We’re not surprised the behavior escalated after he got to go outside, because at that point he not only smelled the ladies waiting to experience his manly charms, but he probably had some run-ins with neighborhood tomcats too.

Thomas: We’re willing to bet that your cat has started spraying, too. That’s how male cats leave love notes for the ladies and threats of grievous bodily harm for other toms.

Dahlia: And if he’s started spraying, we’ll also bet that other cats have been spraying in your yard, too.

Siouxsie: This aromatic invasion has almost certainly made your cat feel as though his territory is under attack.

Thomas: The territorial stress also helps to increase your cat’s need for aggression, and your sister’s poor kitty just happens to be in the line of fire.

Dahlia: We hate to break it to you, Tracy, but the only way you’re going to be able to put a stop to this behavior is by having your cat neutered.

Siouxsie: There are low-cost spay/neuter clinics just about everywhere in the US and Canada, and in Europe and many other places in the world, too, so there’s really no excuse not to have your cat fixed. Some states even offer voucher programs for low-income individuals to have their pets spayed or neutered for free.

Thomas: Contact your nearest animal shelter or humane society to see what programs are available in your area.

Dahlia: There are a couple of websites that offer searchable databases for low-cost spay/neuter clinics in your state. Some states don’t have complete listings (Maine doesn’t; we checked), which is why we recommend you call your local shelter first. But it’s a place to start.

Siouxsie: Here’s the ASPCA’s low-cost spay/neuter clinic database …

Thomas: NeuterSpay.org provides a searchable database of low-cost or free spay/neuter resources for pets and feral cats in the United States. They also have listings for Canada and Europe.

Dahlia: While your cat is getting the snip, so to speak, check by your doors and windows (inside and outside) and around your yard with a black light to find spots where male cats have sprayed. Then clean those spots with products designed to remove urine odors and stains. We recommend Anti-Icky-Poo if you’re in the market for a pre-made product. A solution of white vinegar and water (mixed 50/50) can also do the job.

Siouxsie: We’d also recommend that you use Feliway Comfort Zone spray and diffusers in your home in order to reduce your resident cats’ stress level. Feliway is a synthetic version of “happy cat” pheromones, and we’ve found it very effective in reducing aggression and urine marking.

Thomas: You can shop around to see if you can get a better price on the Feliway, but from what we’ve seen, the prices at the linked site are well within the norm.

Dahlia: Good luck, Tracy — and get that cat fixed!