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Dear Sinéad, Siouxsie and Thomas:
Hi my girlfriend recently adopted a 6 month old kitten she got from
a shelter. Aerwynne (her new kitten) is very shy and always hides
a lot. We recently found out from the shelter that Aerwynne was
abused and bounced back and forth between adoptive families and
the shelter. The house has 2 large dogs and 1 other cat in it. Her
dogs are harmless and are used to having cats in the house. How
do we get this new kitten to get out of being so shy and scared
all the time? She has now been in the house for 2-1/2 weeks.
My second question is I also have a cat. She is part Siamese and she looks to be purebred Siamese. She is only about 5 months old. She is very playful and loves me a lot; she also likes my girlfriend when she comes over. However, last week when I brought Smokie (my cat) over her house to meet her new kitten, she hissed at her a lot and almost attacked her. My concern is how my girlfriend and I are going to get our cats to get along. We want to move in together but we want our cats to be friends. How is this done?
--Jeffrey
P.S.... Are feathers bad for cats?
Sinéad: Well, Jeff, introducing cats takes time and patience. Your situation demands extra patience because your girlfriend's cat is a survivor of abuse and abandonment.
Siouxsie: The most important thing to do is to take the whole process slowly. And you'll need to start by helping your girlfriend's cat become less fearful.
Thomas: Fear is a perfectly understandable response to what Aerwynne has gone though. She still doesn't even know whether she's going to have a "forever home" with your girlfriend! I understand very well what Aerwynne is going through, though. When my first human got sick, my sisters and I had to go to the animal shelter. And then I got really sick and I was separated from my sisters. When we were finally reunited (in a new adoptive home) we didn't get along anymore, so the humans who adopted me kicked me back to the animal shelter. I was so sad and scared! But then Mama came and adopted me. It took me quite a while to believe that this was really my forever home.
Sinéad: And when Mama introduced Thomas to us, she did it very slowly. She gave Thomas one room in the house, and he had his own food bowls, litterbox and bed in there. He was so scared even in that room all by himself that he didn't even come out of his carrier except to go to the bathroom and eat.
Siouxsie: We could smell Thomas, of course, but since he was in his own room, we didn't have to deal with him getting into our territory until we got used to him being around here.
Thomas: To help me feel less scared, Mama gave me lots of quiet petties and a homeopathic remedy called Ignatia. She gave me one pellet (and it was a tiny little pellet -- nothing like the giant icky pills I had to swallow when I was sick at the shelter), and she rubbed a drop of Bach Rescue Remedy into the fur on my head, and then she let me be. An hour later, I was out of my carrier and exploring my new room. Then she gave me another Ignatia pellet, and I curled up in her lap and went to sleep. The next day I opened the door of my room and started exploring other parts of the house.
Sinéad: Rescue Remedy, a flower essence, is a natural remedy that's good for treating physical and emotional trauma. Mama gives it to us if we go through something really scary or stressful, like a long road trip or a visit to the vet. It doesn't taste very good, though, so don't try to feed it to us!
Siouxsie: Aerwynne will also benefit if you give her one room where she's safe -- where the dogs can't go (use a baby gate or some other device to keep them out), and where she can lounge in the sun or rest without fear.
Thomas: Between a safe room, your girlfriend's patience and love, and some Ignatia and Rescue Remedy, we think your girlfriend's cat will come out of her shell. And your girlfriend should constantly tell Aerwynne, with her mouth AND with her heart, that she has a forever home now, that she's loved and cared for, and that she's safe. A while back, we wrote a column on some low-cost ways to help a skittish cat; you and your girlfriend might find some good ideas there.
Sinéad: Once Aerwynne feels more confident and self-assured, she'll be more prepared for changes in housing. But it'll still be upsetting to her. Don't be surprised if the move sets her back quite a bit in terms of her shyness and fear. Just be patient and keep giving her love and calmness and safe space, and she should be fine.
Siouxsie: I don't know if you and your girlfriend have decided whose house you're going to share. Is she moving in with you, or you with her? Or are you going to get a new place together?
Thomas: In terms of establishing territory and dividing the space, the last option would be best. A new home won't have the smell of Aerwynne or Smokie all over the place, so any disputes about territory (and there will be some, because that's how cats resolve these issues -- a little hissing and spitting, the occasional kerfuffle, and then it's all settled) will be more easily resolved.
Sinéad: If a totally new place is not an option, then you will need to set aside one room -- with a door that closes, of course -- just for the new resident, and introduce the cats over time.
Siouxsie: You mentioned that Smokie was hostile toward Aerwynne when you brought her over to your girlfriend's house for a play date. Again, this is what happens when feline strangers meet, especially if they haven't been informed that there may be a new cat in their future.
Thomas: You're going to have to step back a bit in this case, especially because Aerwynne is so timid. We'd advise that instead of bringing the cat over, you share scents between the cats by bringing over towels or other articles of clothing that have been rubbed on the cats' individual fur ..... that way they can get used to the smells of the Other Cat without actually having to deal with having another cat in the house.
Sinéad: It's not clear whether the other dogs and cat living at your girlfriend's place belong to your girlfriend or to another roommate. If they're all part of your girlfriend's family, it may take a bit longer to sort out territorial stuff when you move in together. But if it's just you and your girlfriend and the two cats, it should be a bit easier in the long run.
Siouxsie: There's a product that can help cats feel less scared and stressed. It's a feline pheromone analogue called Feliway. Many veterinarians use it at their offices (in fact, our vet sells it at her office!), and lots of people have had great success with Feliway as far as reducing fighting and territorial problems, inappropriate urine marking, etc.
Thomas: Mama's used Feliway here, too. When I came out of my shell and started moving around the house more confidently, Siouxsie started having fights with me and Sinéad got really stressed -- she even sprayed right in front of Mama once!
Sinéad: Thomas! I hate you! I'm turning my back to you!
Siouxsie: Nyeah!
Thomas: Anyway, the Feliway helped the three of us get along better, and after a while, we didn't even need to use it anymore, because we'd gotten used to each other. Feliway is available in a spray and a plug-in diffuser. Mama ordered hers from Cat Faeries, and because she ordered $50 worth of stuff, she got a free phone consultation on how best to use the Feliway in our situation.
Sinéad: Mamaaaa!
Siouxsie: Oh, quit being such a namby-pamby!
Thomas: I'm sorry, Sinéad. I didn't mean to embarrass you! I was just trying to be helpful. Can you ever forgive me?
Sinéad: Sure. You're forgiven! I couldn't stay mad at you, Thomas, you're too cute for that ... Anyway, Jeffrey, as I was saying, it's going to take some time for the two cats to get used to living together. You can expect some hissing and spitting and carrying on, but if you introduce the cats carefully, this will get sorted out much more quickly. We found these two articles on the About.com cats forum that might be of help:
Siouxsie: We hope we've been able to help you and your girlfriend put together a happy home for your blended cat family. Good luck to all of you!
Thomas: Oh, and feathers aren't bad for cats. The odds are that if we eat feathers, they'll irritate our stomachs and make us throw up, but we don't mind throwing up once in a while! We recommend keeping the feather "stem" away from the cat, though, because that's the most irritating part of all.
Sinéad: But hey, we're designed to be able to eat birds, so a little feather certainly won't kill us. In fact, many people buy peacock feathers to use as toys for their cats. Just don't leave the feather out when you're not around, and you'll avoid the unpleasant possibility of coming home to puddles of feathery vomit. Ew!
Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail Sinéad and Siouxsie at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the advice in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.
