Dear Sinéad, Siouxsie and Thomas:
I need some advice about my kitten. Her name is Chloe and she is a Calico. She is currently 6 months old. I got her when she was 6 weeks old from a local pet shop. I made sure before getting her that my parents would be okay with having a cat in their house -- and they claimed they were. When I brought her home, my dad was okay with my kitty but my mom didn't want anything to do with her. She wouldn't let me even keep Chloe in the house. My house has a finished garage with a furnace/heater in it (it's even decorated in wallpaper; if there were no cars in it you'd probably think it's just another living room), and my boyfriend and I ended up building my kitten a humungous cat cage in the garage for Chloe. It has three different "floors" and it's carpeted on the inside. We put her litterbox, food and water dish, toys, and her favorite little blankey in the kitty "cage."

My mom was okay with her staying there but the only problem was that every time I wanted to be with her, I had to go to the garage. I was very upset because they had told me they were okay with a kitten and I brought her home and found out I had to do this.

It came to the point where I was thinking about finding Chloe a new home because I didn't want her to have a life like this, but then my parents finally broke down and said that she could be in the house -- with one exception. She couldn't be in the house when I'm not at home. So currently whenever I'm home I bring her up to my room and stay with her and play with her and she sleeps with me at night. When I go to school, I put her back in her garage cage.

Anyway ... Chloe was really sweet when I first got her. She would cuddle up with you and sleep and everything. Now she has totally changed. She doesn't like to be petted for long periods of time, she doesn't cuddle, she loves to bite, and she used to scratch but we got her declawed/spayed. At night, if she sleeps on my bed, she won't sleep next to me; she'll fall asleep away from me. She tends to get mad very easily and she will growl and hiss at you if you want to pick her up. She distrusts all humans.

I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to change this behavior and get her to trust me again. I'm pretty sure it's from the circumstances she had to undergo when I first got her. Now that I am able to be with her more, is there any way I can get her to be a nice kitty again? I just need some good advice as to what to do.

Thank you,
Natalie

Sinéad: Oh, Natalie, we feel for you. And for Chloe! You two have gone through some difficult times in your lives together.

Siouxsie: You're right in thinking that Chloe's behavior is most likely a result of what she's gone through. But please don't blame yourself. It sounds like you've done the best you can to do right by Chloe, and you've really gone out of your way to make her life the best it could be under the circumstances.

Thomas: It sounds like Chloe was doing all right, even though she was living in the garage for a long time. But then something else happened that traumatized her.

Sinéad: We suspect that the biggest trauma in her life was getting taken to the vet to be declawed. Some cats do OK after they're declawed, but some have real trouble afterwards. You see, declawing is a very painful surgery -- the first joints of all the "toes" are amputated in a declawing surgery -- and the recovery period is quite painful too, because it hurts to walk, use the litterbox, and all the other basic things that a kitty has to do.

Siouxsie: Generally speaking, we are against declawing, and we would never recommend that you have a cat declawed. However, there are special circumstances when, for the sake of the cat, it is necessary. Some states have laws that require cats that live with in-home day care providers to be declawed, for example.

Thomas: But again, it's important that you don't beat yourself up over this. First of all, if it was your parents' decision to have Chloe declawed, there probably wasn't much you could do about it. The surgery is done, and it can't be undone. And as Sinéad said, some cats do just fine after being declawed. Our grammie adopted a declawed cat, and that kitty doesn't seem to mind her missing claws at all.

Sinéad: The most important thing is that your heart is in the right place. You want Chloe to be happy and to trust people, and you understand that cats can suffer and be traumatized by things that happen to them. There are some humans who don't seem to "get it" that cats feel pain, have emotions, and can suffer from grief and trauma just as humans do. It sounds like your parents may be in that camp. But Chloe is fortunate that you are not.

Siouxsie: Time and love are usually the best treatment for trauma. You can help Chloe learn to trust people again. And we'll tell you some things you can do to help rebuild your relationship with your kitten.

Thomas: Our first piece of advice is to sit down with Chloe and talk to her. I know this sounds kind of far-fetched, but it really can work. Some time, as soon as you can, bring Chloe into your room when the house is quiet, you don't have a million things to do, and you can really focus on being with her. Turn off your cell phone, if you have one, and if you like, play some quiet and relaxing music at a low volume.

Sinéad: Take a few moments to relax yourself and focus your attention on Chloe. Don't stare at her, though; in cat language, staring means confrontation, and you're not trying to confront her. Imagine that there's a connection between your heart and Chloe's heart, and maybe visualize it as a cord of light or something of that nature, if that works for you. You may find that Chloe begins looking at you or settles herself in somehow. Send your feelings of love for Chloe through that connection between your heart and hers. Tell her you're sorry that she's had to go through so much pain and that nobody told her what was going to happen, and that you're doing the best you can for her.

Siouxsie: You may find that you "get" some feelings and emotions back from her. Acknowledge those feelings, and tell her that you want to do what's right for her. Above all, keep telling her you love her, no matter what.

Thomas: You're going to have to be quiet, calm and gentle with Chloe. This is very important in rebuilding her trust. Reinforce the fact that you love her by not forcing yourself on her. Let her come to you in her own time. If you're petting her, watch her body language. If she starts twitching her tail, this can indicate that she's had enough petting, and if you continue to pet her, she may react by biting you (particularly since she doesn't have her claws anymore and therefore is missing her primary defense mechanism). You can read more about cat body language in this past column, and this one too.

Sinéad: Another thing you should know is that cats are very sensitive to stress within a household and family. When there's tension and unhappiness, cats will tend to "act out" in response to that tension. Like kids in unhappy or troubled families, cats get scared and anxious about what's going to happen next.

Siouxsie: Given the strange circumstances that happened after you adopted Chloe, where your parents initially agreed to let you adopt her and then your father said everything was OK but your mother insisted that you keep her in the garage, it sounds like there may be something else at work in that relationship. It's possible that you and Chloe may have become the unwitting victims of whatever is (or was) going on with them.

Thomas: We don't give advice about human relationships, so we can't do much to help you there. But if there is tension in your household, you and Chloe can help each other to get through it. Our Mama has gone through similar things, and she tells us that having cat and dog friends helped her to cope. She says that a lot of humans give credit to animal friends for helping them survive difficult times.

Sinéad: If you act consistently kind and loving to Chloe, let her know what's going when things are going to change in your life, and let her have her own boundaries about when and how she spends time with you, you'll find that Chloe will begin to trust you again. Remember that part of your job as a cat "owner" is to protect her from harm and take care of her physically and emotionally.

Siouxsie: Remember that cats grow and mature, too, and behaviors such as becoming a bit less snuggly are signs of growing up. Like human children, cats go through developmental stages, and at each of these stages, cats learn new behaviors and assert their individuality.

Thomas: When Chloe engages in behaviors you don't like -- biting, for example -- the best thing you can do is to say "no" quietly but firmly and stop interacting with her for a moment. Whatever you do, do not punish her physically. You want to do what's called positive reinforcement: Shower her with affection and praise when she's behaving properly, and ignore her when she isn't. Physical punishment such as spanking or a bap on the nose is negative reinforcement, and in cats it destroys trust rather than building it.

Sinéad: There are some natural remedies you can use to help Chloe recover from the trauma of her surgery, too. The first of these is a flower essence called Bach Rescue Remedy, which is designed to treat physical or emotional trauma. The Bach flower essences can usually be found in health food stores, and occasionally in shops that sell vitamins and other supplements. When you get the Rescue Remedy, put one drop of it on the fur on the top of her head, then stroke it in slowly.

Siouxsie: I don't know how that Rescue Remedy stuff works, but Mama's used it on me when I've been injured or had to go to the vet, and it helps me feel better instantly! It works well on humans, too, and if you're ever having a time when you're super stressed or something has really knocked you for a loop, you can take Rescue Remedy, too.

Thomas: There is a process homeopaths use to treat trauma in animals, but it's quite complex. If your parents are willing, perhaps you can find a homeopathic veterinarian in your area who can help you to help Chloe. The American Holistic Veterinary Medical Association maintains a directory of practitioners throughout the US and Canada; there are similar resources for England, Europe and other areas, too.

Sinéad: But as we said, if you can't get Rescue Remedy or visit a holistic veterinarian, the most important thing you can do is have an earnest "talk" with Chloe and then just keep loving her, being gentle with her, and giving her the space she needs to get comfortable with you again.

Siouxsie: It will take a while. It could be weeks, or even months, before you see a result. But don't give up! As with humans, some cats recover more quickly from trauma than others. It is your love and caring, your patience, and your open heart that will get her through this.

Thomas: And one more thing. If it's at all possible, when you leave for college or whatever you plan to do after you finish high school, bring Chloe with you. If you can't bring her with you, please make sure you find her a foster home with people who understand that animals have feelings too and who understand that animals need love, care and attention, and where she will be loved and treated with patience.

Sinéad: Good luck, Natalie. Please let us know if there's anything else we can do to help.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail Sinéad and Siouxsie at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the advice in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.