Dear Sinéad, Siouxsie and Thomas:
My name is Mr. P Chez. I look a bit like Thomas. I ruled the acre once with two others, but I lost my companions, Midnight and Sheba, this year. I was just starting to get over that when along comes this 10 week old Siamese brat. I've tried to be nice and keep my distance but he wants to "play and be friends." Actually I think he wants to chase me off. When he's not doing that, he whines and cries all the time about missing his family out in the country. I've even brought lots of mice and bunny rabbits to the house this week to show them I'm the better cat and that they don't need to replace me. I've even let the baby play with the dead mice, but he still won't leave me alone.

It's been three weeks now and I'm losing my voice from yowling and hissing. I don't trust my humans anymore when they try to pet me. I don't want in the house anymore -- that's his place. Will things ever get back to normal? Am I destined to be a grumpy old tom? (Actually I'm not really a tom -- they took care of that when I was a kitten. They called me Peaches back then because they thought I was a female "calico." Stupid humans! It's really tan, not orange, so they now call me Mr. P Chez, blithering something about calling me Peaches for so long and all . . . but for that, I forgave them. The new terrorizer is another story!)

~Mr. P Chez

Sinéad: Well, Chez, you're in a tough situation there. We all know how difficult it is to accept a new member of the kitty family.

Siouxsie: You should have seen us carry on when Thomas moved in!

Thomas: But it's even harder for you because you lost your two cat companions before this new little guy moved in.

Sinéad: Kittens can be awfully hard to deal with sometimes. They always want to play and run and fight, and sometimes our humans make the mistake of giving too much love to new kittens, therefore making them think they own the place.

Siouxsie: Understandably, this causes jealousy among the cats who were there first, such as yourself!

Thomas: When a new cat moves in, humans have to be very careful and actually give more love to the cat or cats who lived with them the longest. I didn't like this very much when I moved into Mama's house, but now that I'm older and I get along well with Sinéad and Siouxsie, I definitely see why she did that. Besides, I'd hate to have unintentionally hurt Sinéad's feelings by exercising the full extent of my Amazing Love-Cat Powers and sucking away all the love rays Mama emanates ...

Sinéad: Aww, Thomas, you're so sweet. Purrrrrrrrrrrr!

Siouxsie: Stuff it, Sinéad!

Thomas: I think you need to go out and beat up one of the barn cats or something, Siouxsie. You're getting pretty grumpy yourself.

Sinéad: Anyway, Chez, we're sure your humans didn't get this kitten to replace you! I think they really believed that you needed to have another cat friend around, and that having a kitten in the house might help you deal with the grief of losing your two best friends.

Siouxsie: Moreover, getting a kitten was a way for your humans to help themselves feel better, too. You need to understand that humans grieve too, just like you. And sometimes bringing a new cat into the house is a sign that they're ready to move on to the next chapter of their lives. They'll never forget Midnight and Sheba, and they'll certainly never forget you! But adopting this new kitten is a sign that your humans are ready to open their hearts up again, and that's a wonderful thing.

Thomas: You're going to need to assert yourself in your territory again, too, Chez. You don't have to isolate yourself outside and be miserable just because your humans brought home a kitten. You need to take the moral high ground here, Chez, and be tolerant of this baby kitten's antics.

Sinéad: Siamese kittens are a lot more talkative than some other breeds. Siouxsie and I are part Siamese, Mama says, and we're always talking and singing. We love to talk, sometimes just for the sheer pleasure of hearing our own voices!

Siouxsie: And it's really funny to hear what Mama says to us when we talk to her. I'll say something like, "The rational world is merely a crutch for individuals who can't tolerate the mysteries of existence," and she'll say, "Really! And then what happened?" Hee hee hee! Silly human.

Thomas: Back to your problem, Chez: It sounds like maybe your humans made the mistake of introducing you and the kitten too quickly. They may have just brought him home and put him on the floor in front of you, instead of gradually introducing him by leaving him in one room while you get familiar with his smells and sounds before you actually get to meet face to face.

Sinéad: This is a very common problem. Most humans just put two stranger cats together in a room and expect us to get along instantly, either because they think we're dogs or because they've had very unusual cats who actually did get along the instant they were introduced. But the best way to introduce a new cat is slowly, slowly, slowly!

Siouxsie: We wrote a column a while back on how to introduce a new cat into a household. We recommend that your humans take a look at it, because they're going to have to do a "rewind and reintroduce" scenario now.

Thomas: What that means is, they're going to have to give the kitten a room of his own, with beds, toys, litterbox and food dishes, and leave him in there for a while. Of course, they'll need to go in there and play with him and pet him, but they need to let you get settled back into the house have the run of the place again. They'll also need to give you lots of love and cuddles and playtime, so you start feeling like part of the family again.

Sinéad: It may take a while before you begin feeling at home in your house again, so your humans may need to keep the kitten in his own room (or maybe there's even an area of a couple of rooms that he can use) for a few weeks or more.

Siouxsie: They'll need to take their cue about when to start the reintroduction from your behavior, Chez. They'll need to look for signs that you're feeling comfortable -- for example, if you liked to snooze on your human's lap or sleep on your human's bed, and you start doing that again, that'll be a sign that you're feeling better.

Thomas: They should also notice your level of tension. Are you eating like a vacuum cleaner and then running to your nearest hidey-hole? Are you still sitting at full alert, muscles tense, while the humans are petting you? If so, you're still too uptight and uncertain for them to proceed with a reintroduction.

Sinéad: Once the reintroduction does begin, the best thing for your humans to do is to play with each of you separately. Each of your humans should take turns playing with you and with the new kitten, and you should each be playing with different toys. Once you come to associate good feelings and fun with your humans and the kitten, your lives together will become much easier.

Siouxsie: To help you in the reintroduction, your humans will want to be ready to distract you or the kitten if you start showing signs of being upset -- growling, hissing, skulking around the room, or any other aggressive or defensive body language. Play is a great form of distraction, and it allows us cats to redirect our aggressive energy in a more appropriate way.

Thomas: And, of course, your humans should give you lots of yummy treats to compensate for how shabbily they've treated you with the new kitten's arrival.

Sinéad: Well, some treats, anyway! If they gave you too many treats you'd get big and fat like Siouxsie, and then you wouldn't be able to chase the kitten around and give him What For!

Siouxsie: I'm not fat, I'm Goddess-Size!

Thomas: Flabby-flanks!

Siouxsie: Shut your kibble hole, stripy man, before I stuff my claws in it!

Sinéad: Anyway ... we also think that your household could benefit with some Feliway. We discuss Feliway in the other column about introducing new cats, and we do recommend it highly. It works wonders, really!

Siouxsie: So basically, Chez, we don't think you're doomed to be a grumpy old tom. Not even a little! Just make sure your humans do everything right when they reintroduce you, and make sure they show you Proper Deference due to your position as Top Cat. If they don't, just continue to avoid them until you think you'll fade away to nothing from lack of love ... and then relent. But if they backslide and start making that kitten think he owns the place, then feel free to avoid your humans again until they realize their error.

Thomas: One other thing we should mention, Chez, is that it couldn't hurt for you to open your kitty heart to the kitten. He is, after all, only a baby, and he doesn't know any better than to be just how he is. He needs you to teach him the ways of the world and how to be a good, brave, strong cat! So don't blow him off just yet. Where would any of us be if we hadn't had an older kitty brother or sister to show us the ropes and keep us out of trouble?

Siouxsie: Speak for yourself!

Sinéad: Thomas is right, Siouxsie. We all have to make room in our hearts for new family members. And once you make room in your heart and your humans start behaving properly toward you, Chez, everything will be right in your world. Good luck!

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail us at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the material in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.