Sinéad: Before we get to this week's column, we'd like to apologize for the fact that it's a day late. You see, Mama decided to spend all day out in the cold and rain helping her brother build a house. She said it was very important and she had to do it before she could help us with our column.

Siouxsie: Personally, I can't imagine anything in the world more important than helping us write our column, so I'm a bit affronted by her lack of service. And now she's inside sneezing and shivering and going "ow, ow, ow, my everything hurts!" Stupid human.

Thomas: Hey, we're going to get to live in that house when it's finished! I don't think it's stupid for her to help build it.

Siouxsie: What do you know? You're constantly burning the fur off your rump because you're too numb to sit more than six inches away from the heater!

Thomas: I was cold! I'm not big and fat like you, so I need all the extra heating help I can get.

Siouxsie: Grrrrrrrr ....

Sinéad: Anyway, let's get on to this week's letter.

Dear Sinéad, Siouxsie and Thomas:
Hello. I am so glad to have someone that I can talk to about this. I have recently developed a dirty butt problem. I didn't realize I had such an issue until my mama pointed it out and cleaned it herself. My cleanliness has always been a source of pride for me. So you can imagine my surprise an subsequent anguish when this was discovered. Let me explain a bit ... well, hard dry pieces of excrement seem to attach themselves to my hair around my anus. I thought wow, what a horrible and embarrassing experience, I am so glad it's over. IT'S NOT! It seems to be a new regular occurrence. Mama has cleaned it herself now, three times, each time waiting a few days in between in the hopes that I'll be able to do it myself. But to both of our dismay, I haven't been able to accomplish this seemingly minor task. In the meantime she is not sure if she is hurting me or helping me. We both hate this problem on many levels. Am I alone?? I have not changed my diet. I am only four years old and already worried about my health and declining personal hygiene habits. Do you have any advice?

Thanks,
Vegas Von Kitty-Kat

Sinéad: Oh, Vegas, what an embarrassing problem! We fully sympathize with you.

Siouxsie: We have, on occasion, found ourselves to have mildly dirty bottoms, too. Usually Mama notices it when we jump up in her lap and present our butts for her inspection.

Thomas: After all, humans need to be presented with our famous "third eye" on a regular basis.

Sinéad: But it is quite embarrassing when you present your bottom to your human only to hear, "Ewwwww, nasty cat! You need to clean your butt!"

Siouxsie: On those rare occasions when such embarrassments have happened to us, it's usually because we have developed diarrhea due to a change in diet or because of medicine we might have been taking at the time.

Thomas: But you say you haven't changed your diet, so that eliminates dietary issues as a possible cause of your contaminated nether regions.

Sinéad: You don't say whether you're a long-haired or short-haired cat. But usually these kind of issues -- stool sticking to fur around the anus -- happen with long-haired cats.

Siouxsie: So if you're a long-haired cat, you can take some comfort in knowing you're not suffering alone.

Thomas: Some long-haired breeds such as Persians have difficulty cleaning themselves because, having been bred to have a short face, some of the ordinary feline mouth functions just don't work quite as well.

Sinéad: Persian cats also have a very fine fur texture that lends itself to easy matting and to getting all manners of stuff stuck in their fur. That's one of the reasons why Persian cats must be brushed every day by their humans.

Siouxsie: The other reason is, of course, because our humans' job description includes adoring, grooming, and primping us as necessary -- and as much as we will tolerate.

Thomas: Another reason that cats sometimes have trouble cleaning their bottoms is because of obesity. Even short-haired cats have trouble reaching their hindquarters if they're severely overweight.

Sinéad: We wouldn't want to suggest that you're overweight, Vegas, but if your mama has taken you to the vet and the vet has told her that you need to lose some weight, you might humor her and eat your diet kibble.

Siouxsie: We know that diet food tastes yucky, but if you need to lose weight, the rewards of actually doing so will be many. Not only will you be able to clean your bottom again, but you'll be svelte and lovely and everyone will adore your lovely conformation!

Thomas: Something else that may help you keep your butt clean, particularly if you're a long-haired cat, is to have your mama take you to a groomer and let them shave the fur around your anus so that it's nice and short. That way, poo won't get stuck in your bloomers.

Sinéad: In the meantime, if your human uses unscented, natural baby wipes, or a warm and damp washcloth, to get the feces off your hindquarters, you will feel better.

Siouxsie: We do recommend that your mama observe your litterbox habits, too. Have you been having any diarrhea? Your mama can tell if you're having diarrhea when she cleans out your litterbox. Poops should be solid and well-formed; if your poop looks more like a glob, or if it starts solid and ends with a glob of goo, that means you're having diarrhea. If so, this would certainly increase the possibility that poop would stick to your fur.

Thomas: Even if you haven't changed your diet, something else may have changed in your environment. Have you moved to another place? If so, it's possible that even the water you're drinking may be contributing to your bowel woes.

Sinéad: We recommend that you and your human drink the purest water you can get. If you live in a city, we recommend that your mama buy a pitcher filter with a charcoal filter. These are manufactured by companies such as Brita, Pur, and many others. These filters not only keep many bad bacteria from getting into your water, but they filter out chlorine and other chemicals that make water taste bad.

Siouxsie: Pitcher filters (which typically come with one filter) retail for probably $25 to $30 US, and replacement filters sell for around $20 for a pack of three. Since each filter is good for approximately 2 months, that's six months worth of good water.

Thomas: We didn't really know anything other than the taste of chlorinated water until Sinéad got a urinary tract infection, and among the things our vet told Mama was that using water processed through a pitcher filter is a very important way to prevent UTIs in cats. So she went out and bought one, and we all enjoyed our better-tasting water.

Sinéad: Diarrhea can also result from food allergies. Even the food you've eaten for years can potentially cause an allergic reaction. If the manufacturer changes the formula of the food, that could cause allergies.

Siouxsie: Sometimes we cats just get "overdone" on one kind of food, and this too can cause allergic reactions. This happens more often with lower-quality foods that have a lot of artificial colors or preservatives. We recommend that you feed your cat the highest quality food you can afford. And you might be surprised how affordable some "premium" cat foods such as Nutro Natural, Eagle Pack, or Wysong can be.

Thomas: Usually cats eat less of a high-quality food because they're getting more of their nutritional needs met from a smaller quantity of food. Also, the money humans save on vet bills from diseases that result from a lifetime of being fed poor-quality food more than makes up for any extra cost involved in feeding premium foods.

Sinéad: If you've recently received any medication such as antibiotics or even a flea treatment, this may be causing bowel problems, too. If you're on any medication from your vet, your mama should call him or her and make sure that this poopy problem of yours isn't a symptom of a reaction to the medicine.

Siouxsie: Speaking of vets ... You're not going to like this, Vegas, but we recommend that your mama take you to the vet in order to make sure nothing's wrong with you. Conditions such as irritable bowel disorder and worms can cause diarrhea, and these problems should be treated by a veterinarian.

Thomas: But believe us, Vegas, if a trip to the vet resolves your embarrassing dirty butt problem, we're sure you'll think it's worth the few minutes of torture.

Sinéad: We hope this helps, Vegas, and please let us know how things work out for you.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail us at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the material in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.