Dear Sinéad, Siouxsie and Thomas:

I'm curious to know if my cat Mr. Meow could have died from depression. You see, I also had a female cat, New Girl, for about 8 or more years. They played together and loved each other. We adopted Mr. Meow 17 years ago. He was an indoor cat and such a perfect pet. New Girl wasn't as warm and cuddly as the male. She would sleep on my lap all the time, but my husband never bonded with her. She was a stray cat that we took in when she was about 4 months old.

A couple of weeks ago my husband had had enough of New Girl. We fought about getting rid of her for a couple of years. She had a very bad habit of urinating wherever she wanted. I would constantly clean up after her and yell at her. One night about 2 months ago, my husband got so made at her that he chased her around the house until he caught her and put her in the cat carrier. He took her for a ride and dropped her somewhere. I know this sounds horrible, and believe me it was, but I couldn't get myself to put her to sleep and I couldn't find a home for her. I hope that she is still alive and well wherever she is today.

In the meantime, my husband mentioned that he thought Mr. Meow's personality had changed since New Girl wasn't around. He felt that Mr. Meow was jealous sometimes because he came first, and once we found New Girl he may have lacked all my attention. I don't think this was the case. Mr. Meow followed me from room to room and I always gave him affection and love.

One night Mr. Meow got out, only as far as our garage, and when I went to get him I couldn't find him. But then I heard him cry. I noticed he was sitting next to the cat carrier that New Girl was taken away in. He kept walking to my feet and turning around and going to the cat carrier crying. I got so upset. I know he could scent her still and it broke my heart. The only other thing that I thought was odd is that one night in the middle of the night I heard him make this loud cry by our front door. I thought he was looking for New Girl.

Mr. Meow had started to lose weight way before we lost New Girl, but it got very dramatic after she was gone. He was a very furry cat and it was hard to tell he was losing weight, but I could feel it when I picked him up. I started to feel his bones. He ate and ate but kept losing weight. He didn't seem at all depressed to me and I figured he was 17 and getting old. Eventually he got so thin and frail that he couldn't climb the stairs or jump up on anything. But he still had his appetite, so I figured he was just getting old on me and I had to realize that he may not make it much longer. I had to put him to sleep a couple of weeks ago. He got so that he couldn't stand and only lifted his head to look at me. He seemed to get worse in such a quick period of time. I never asked my vet, but I wonder if he could have died of depression or if it was just a coincidence that he died 8 weeks after New Girl was gone. He could have had cancer and I didn't know it, or it could have just been old age. I would think if he was depressed that he wouldn't have been eating like he was. As sick as he looked, he always cried to eat up until the last day. Once I noticed he wasn't eating or going to the bathroom anymore I knew it was time to put him to sleep. What do you think: Depression or old age? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Depressed as well,
Joann

Siouxsie: Joann, this is a very difficult letter for us to answer, particularly in light of the fact that our sister Sinéad has been missing for a week and a half, and our hearts break a little bit every day that she doesn't come home.

Thomas: Cats do miss their friends and they can become depressed at the loss of an animal or human companion. When my first human had to send me to the shelter because he couldn't take care of me anymore, I got very sad and sick. I was lucky that the shelter staff and vets took such good care of me and that Mama loved me so much, even before she took me to my new home, that it renewed my will to live.

Siouxsie: Depression and grief weaken the immune system and the body's defenses. This is true for both cats and people. Sometimes depression can cause physical problems to become more severe because the energy to fight disease just isn't there anymore.

Thomas: Judging from what you tell us in your letter, we think that your cat didn't die strictly of depression or of "old age." We think he had a condition like hyperthyroidism, chronic renal failure or diabetes, and that the emotional strain of losing New Girl caused his condition to get worse quickly.

Siouxsie: It's not normal or healthy, and it's not just a sign of old age, for a cat to lose a lot of weight. If your cat loses weight, particularly if he's a "senior cat" (more than about 8 years old), a trip to the vet should be your first order of business. It's quite possible that even with a condition such as hyperthyroidism, an old cat can enjoy a good quality of life for several more years with appropriate treatment.

Thomas: On the other hand, at the age of 17, Mr. Meow had already lived a mighty long life by cat standards. Nonetheless, your vet might have been able to offer some palliative care to keep his last days as comfortable as possible. I'm not saying this to guilt-trip you, but so that you'll know for the next time you have an elderly cat.

Siouxsie: There are a couple of really good books about the care and special needs of senior cats. The one we recommend most highly is Complete Care for Your Senior Cat by Amy D. Shojai. This book will show you how you can make life easier for your senior cat and keep his or her health optimal. It also has a chapter on animal loss and making the decision about euthanasia.

Thomas: A great book for learning about how to help your cat cope with the loss of an animal friend or human caretaker is The Heart That is Loved Never Forgets by Kaetheryn Walker. In this book, veterinary homeopath Kaetheryn Walker takes readers through a narrative-format series of case studies in which homeopathic remedies were used to help animals suffering from the loss of an animal or human companion. Mama used suggestions from this book when she helped me in recovering from my grief, and they worked wonderfully.

Siouxsie: I have to say I found your husband's behavior with New Girl very upsetting. Not only is abandoning a cat the worst possible way to deal with a behavior problem, but in some parts of the US, that kind of behavior could get your husband arrested for animal cruelty.

Thomas: Mama says she'd see that kind of behavior as grounds for divorce!

Siouxsie: We understand that it's difficult and frustrating to deal with a cat that has a chronic behavior problem, especially when it involves inappropriate urination. But nonetheless, if your husband was that irritated with New Girl's behavior, he could have attempted to find a no-kill shelter for her instead of just dumping her by the highway somewhere.

Thomas: One of the first things to do when your cat has a urination problem -- or any other kind of behavior problem, for that matter -- is to take the cat to the vet to determine if she has a medical problem.

Siouxsie: The other thing is that people who do cruel things to animals (like, say, taking them somewhere far from home and dumping them) rarely stop there. There is a proven connection between animal abuse and spousal or child abuse. We hope there's nothing like that going on in your situation, but if any of our readers have partners or roommates who are abusing their cats, we urge them to find safety for themselves and their cats as quickly as possible.

Thomas: Mama has a good friend who finally realized how abusive her husband was when he picked up a kitten who had climbed on the table and threw him across the room, leaving the cat with permanent brain damage. This woman accepted her ex-husband's constant verbal and emotional abuse, but when he nearly killed her kitten, she realized she had to get out before she met a similar fate.

Siouxsie: Mama's friend still has the cat and he's made a good recovery, although he still acts a little fuzzy and can't quite walk straight. She left her husband, and she and her animals are now safe. Good riddance to bad trash, we say!

Thomas: So, as a final note: Beware of people who are mean to animals, and understand that if you see someone abusing or neglecting an animal, it's quite possible that he or she is doing the same to their human family.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail us at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the material in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.