Dear Sinéad and Siouxsie,
Something terrible has happened to me!

My mama took me to the kitty doctor, like she has before to get my shots and stuff. But this time she left me there! That wasn't so bad, I guess, except that she didn't feed me or give me any water for a long, long time before that. Then somebody came and stuck me with a needle and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I felt kind of groggy and yucky, and then I noticed that my rear end was a little sore.

I finally got enough gumption up to sit up and give myself a good licking back there and see what was going on, and then I became aware of the horrible truth: Somebody had stolen my Family Jewels! All that was left in their place was a couple of black stitch things! I didn't even know they were detachable!

What am I going to do? I was well on my way to being Top Tomcat of my neighborhood, and now my Family Jewels are gone. Is there any way I can get them back? I want my Family Jewels back! I'm so depressed. I keep trying to get out of the house so I can go back to the kitty doctor and find them, but mama won't let me out. I hate her! I hate the rotten scoundrel who stole my Family Jewels! I hate everyone!!

Sincerely,
Maximus, The (Former) Super Stud

Sinéad: Oh dear, Maximus. It sounds like your person hasn't been keeping you adequately informed about certain topics.

Siouxsie: We're going to break this to you in the easiest way we know how: dude, you got your nu . . .

Sinéad: Siouxsie! Gently! Like so: Maximus, there's a procedure that all responsible humans do to make sure that their cat companions can live as long and happy a life as possible. That procedure is called neutering (in boy cats) or spaying (in girl cats). What's happened to you is that your mama took you to the vet to have you neutered. That was a good thing for her to do.

Siouxsie: But what she didn't do was to tell you what was going on.

Sinéad: I know it will take you a while to get used to life without your Family Jewels, but once it stops being sore, you'll find that you enjoy being around your home more and that you learn the fine art of scent-marking without leaving pungent aromas that people find displeasing. You're still just as studly as ever, but you won't be fathering any more kittens. Which is a good thing, because there are so many unwanted kittens. Some get taken to the animal shelter or found new homes, but some aren't as lucky. We've heard stories about people drowning whole litters of kittens or leaving newborn puppies in a garbage pail!

Siouxsie: Sinéad and I are spayed. It took us a while to get used to it, too, especially because spaying is a more complicated operation than neutering. Our vet shaved a whole patch on our tummies and we had several stitches each. And believe us, it hurt for a while! But we're much happier now. Before we got spayed, we were starting to have all kinds of really uncomfortable feelings that we didn't understand, and we didn't have any way of sorting them out or relieving those feelings because Mama kept us inside.

Sinéad: We think Mama would be happier if she were spayed. Sometimes she starts getting those tormented . . .

JaneA: Excuse me!

Siouxsie: Want me to bat her, Mama? I will if you like!

JaneA: No, Siouxsie, don't bat your sister. It's not kind.

Sinéad: Yeah, so there! Anyway, Mama didn't remember to tell us what was going to happen to us, either. We were scared when we woke up in the kitty hospital and then she didn't come to get us, and our tummies were sore, and we felt all icky! We cried a lot!

Siouxsie: But Mama did come and get us the next morning and said she was sorry that she had to leave us in the kitty hospital overnight. She made it up to us by making us a special bed in our favorite warm spot on the floor--so we wouldn't have to jump up on beds and couches while we were sore and spacey from the medicines the vet gave us--and giving us special treat food. And lots of loving petties!

Sinéad: We were mad at first, and we were all ready to be mean to her because it was so lonely being in the kitty hospital without her around. But then she told us how much she missed us and how she couldn't sleep very well without us, either. How could we hate her when she missed us as much as we missed her?

Siouxsie: The moral of this story is that people should always talk to their cat friends about things like operations and changes of residence and being boarded.

Sinéad: Some people think it's silly to talk to animals because they don't believe we'll understand. But believe me, we do. We see the pictures in your mind, and we understand a lot more of your words than think we do.

JaneA: Another thing you can do to help your cat friend if there's an operation, a move, or boarding in his future is to give him a couple of drops of Bach Rescue Remedy the day before and the day after the event. Rescue Remedy is a flower essence that's completely harmless, and it helps animals and people deal with physical and/or emotional trauma. I give Rescue Remedy to Sinéad and Siouxsie by putting a drop on top of their heads and stroking it into their fur. Rescue Remedy can be found at any health food store, and it's a good component of any first aid kit.

Siouxsie: And don't forget those extra loving petties! They make a lot of difference, too.

Sinéad: So, Maximus, I'm afraid you're not going to be able to get your Family Jewels back. They're pretty much gone for good. But try to take it easy on your mama; she was jsut doing what she thought was the right thing to do (and it was!). Hopefully she'll read our column and know that she should talk to you about big changes in your life before they happen. It will make both of your lives easier.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail Sinéad and Siouxsie at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the advice in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.