Siouxsie: Greetings and salutations! Today we're going to take a break from giving advice and introduce you to the newest member of the Paws and Effect family.

Thomas: Please give a big welcome to our new baby sister, Dahlia. That's Dahlia, over there at the right. Say hi, Dahlia.

Dahlia: Hi everybody! I'm so excited I get to write in the column this week!

Siouxsie: Mama adopted her from the Humane Society of Knox County in Rockland, Maine. They've got lots of kittens and grown-up cats there (and some dogs, too) and all of them would love to have a forever home.

Thomas: So, Dahlia, what do you think?

Dahlia: I love my new home! It's so much nicer than a cage (even though it was a nice cage and I was with my brother, it was still a cage). I'm so excited. There are lots of toys and good food, and Mommy lets me sleep next to her head, and I purr all the time because I'm so happy. And Thomas is so nice to me. He grooms my head and curls up next to me, and he shares his food with me and he protects me from that grumpy old Siouxsie -- she's always growling at me.

Siouxsie: Well, if you weren't so darn icky and poop-smelling ...

Thomas: She doesn't smell like poo! If anyone around here smells like poo, it's you. You're just jealous 'cause she's small and cute.

Siouxsie: Grrrrrrrrrr.

Dahlia: Siouxsie! I want to be just like you when I grow up! Can you show me how to be just like you?

Siouxsie: Grrrrrrr. Leave me alone! Mama, let me outside! And darn it, Dahlia, stop sneezing all over me!

Dahlia: Oh, come on, Siouxsie! Show me how to be like you! Pleeeeeeease?

Siouxsie: Okay, fine! The first game we're going to play is the Take A Nap game. Just curl up on the bed ... no, not so close! Over there, on the other side! ... curl up in a nice, tight ball, take a deep breath, tuck your nose under your tail, and go to sleep.

Dahlia: This game's boring. Thomas, will you play with me?

Thomas: Dahlia's my shelter-cat buddy. We were both in the animal shelter for a while, so I've helped her get used to having a forever home. I really like her. It's fun having a little sister. I've shown her lots of great tricks. That's Dahlia and me over there. I'm showing her how to reclaim the cat carrier for its true purpose: a perch, not a mobile prison cell.

Dahlia: Mommy says I can help write the column when I get bigger. I'm really excited! I can't wait to help other kitties. Meanwhile, I'd love to make friends with other cats, so if you kittens want to paw-mail me, I have my very own paw-mail address, dahlia@paws-and-effect.com. I feel so big and grown-up! Mommy says she'll even make me a Catster profile so I can meet other kitties there, too.

Siouxsie: I guess it's not so bad having a kitten around. I have to confess it's been kind of strange having only two cats around. I still miss Sinéad, though. We all do. Just this week, Mama heard a song that reminded her of Sinéad, and she started crying while she was at work.

Dahlia: But Sinéad comes back across the Bridge to talk to me all the time! She's been great. She told me how to curl up on Mommy's shoulder just so, and she told me that Mommy loved it when she played Cave Kitty and told me how to do that! Sinéad's still a wise, wise kitty, but she's just not in her body anymore. I'm so lucky to have a spirit-friend like Sinéad to help me get settled in .... Ooh, hey, what's that? A toy? I'm gonna get it! Wheeeeeee! I got the mousie! I got it! I got it! ... Hey, where'd it go?

Thomas: Mama thought Dahlia was a boy when she first brought her home. The shelter people had named her Blackie, and Mama changed her name to Black Jack Davy, because she knows that we cats love creative names. But then, a few days later, Dahlia presented her bottom to Mama, and Mama saw right away that she was a girl. That's when she started thinking of girl names ....

Dahlia: And Mommy asked me how I liked the name Dahlia, and I purred and purred. So that's how I got my name. And Mommy says my eyes look like a special kind of dahlia that's gold on the inside and orange on the outside. And then when I got to visit Doctor Sarah, she told Mommy that I'm a girl, for sure, and that I'm older than the shelter people thought. You see, I'm really small for my age. My kitty mommy had a tough time when she was carrying my brother and sister and me, 'cause she was living outside on her own, and so we're all kind of small.

Thomas: You got to see Doctor Sarah? Lucky you! She's so nice, and she always tells me how handsome I am.

Dahlia: Doctor Sarah is a nice lady, but she's got this problem with sticking needles in places that only need petting. I didn't like that much. But Mommy says that it's important to get some shots so I can stay healthy. But after she listened to my heart and gave me my shots, Doctor Sarah said I'm really cute and gave me some wonderful petties. And she says I'm going to get spayed when I get a little bigger. I'm a little worried about that 'cause I hear it hurts a lot. But Mommy says that Doctor Sarah and her nurses at the clinic help us feel less sore after operations by giving us pain medicine, so I guess it'll be okay.

Siouxsie: We're all spayed or neutered. Mama says it's important to spay or neuter your kitty because there are so many cats that need homes. Besides, if we're fixed, we stay healthier and don't run off and get into fights as much. It's really better all around.

Thomas: Maybe you'll be nicer to Dahlia after she gets spayed, too, Miss Grumpy-pants!

Siouxsie: Shut up, fatso!

Thomas: I'm not getting fat, I'm preparing for winter! I was cold last year, so I'm making sure I've got an extra layer of insulation ....

Siouxsie: Yeah! From eating your food, and Dahlia's food, and Sasha The Barn Cat's food ....

Thomas: As if you should talk. You're not exactly emaciated yourself, Flabby Flanks!

Siouxsie: Grrrrrrrr!

Dahlia: What's that? It's a bug! I got it!

Thomas: Awwwww. Who can stay grumpy when there's a kitten around?

Siouxsie: You're right. There is something about kittens that just makes you contented. Even when they're silly and they smell like poo.

Thomas: Next week we'll get back to answering letters from our readers. We hope you've enjoyed meeting Dahlia, and we hope you'll welcome her and write her some letters, too.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail us at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the material in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.