Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:
I had to assist my 19-1/2-year-old tortoiseshell cat, Iddy Bit, to pass on about 2 weeks ago. She got caught in the food poisoning and even though the vet and I did aggressive treatments she was just too old and frail to fight it. It just broke my heart. I have another cat, Lucky, a feral Tuxedo male, that I rescued about 10 years ago. He was about 2-1/2 weeks old at the time; now he's imprinted to me and is terrified of other humans and hides whenever someone else is in the house. He has always lived with anywhere from 5 cats to just Iddy Bit, and whatever dogs I had at the time. Lucky and Iddy Bit would nap together during the day and sleep with me at night. I had dog doors, so Lucky was pretty much an outdoor cat but would come in to go to sleep with me and quick trips in during the day for lovin's and to eat. I moved from the country to a manufactured home park last year (I'm 68 years old, and I needed to 'downsize' my home), and now he has to stay indoors. Lucky has always been a vocal cat, meowing normally when I loved on him.

Now, that you have a little history, on to the reason for my query. Right after Iddy Bit was put to sleep, Lucky's personality changed. He has become more vocal and even meets me at the door, which he never did before. He follows me from room to room. About three days ago he started YOWLING! That kind that sounds like a cross between a lion's huffing and yowling. It is kind of scary. He tends to do this when I'm in another room or outdoors away from him. When he sees me, he stops and runs to the office (where his food is and where I am a lot). Is he doing this because he is unhappy? Do cats miss other cats? He never seemed to miss any of the other cats I had to find homes for before I moved. He and Sweetie, my current dog, play together every day.

I have found a home for Lucky if necessary, with a family that has three other cats, 5 acres and 2 barns. They also adore animals and have a menagerie. But I am in a quandary. I'm the only human he has accepted. Would he be happier if he were outside again catching mice even though he would never interact with another human again? I suspect he would revert to feral again. I want him to be happy. He has seemed to have adjusted to not going outside since moving here last November. He also seems to live and breathe for bedtime. But this yowling has me worried. I just don't know what to do. What is your opinion? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thanking you in advance,
Terry

Siouxsie: Our sympathies are with you, Terry. It's terrible that so many cats have died from this tainted food, and our condolences go to everyone who has lost a companion to this entirely preventable travesty.

Thomas: Terry, we think Lucky is grieving. We cats do grieve when we lose companions that we've shared our whole lives with.

Dahlia: Although Lucky didn't seem to react when you rehomed other cats, things are different with Iddy Bit. When you rescued Lucky as a tiny feral kitten, Iddy Bit was there and probably played a big maternal role in his life. She taught him how to be a cat.

Siouxsie: From your description, it sounds as though Lucky and Iddy Bit were buddies. They slept together and played together. He'd known Iddy Bit for his entire life!

Thomas: And then Iddy Bit was sick ... and then one day she was gone. His best friend, his mama-cat. Imagine how you'd feel if someone you'd known your whole life simply disappeared.

Dahlia: Cats tend to be highly aware of the emotional energy around the people in their lives, too. You and your animal family have been through a lot of changes in the last few months. I'm really impressed with how well you did in getting Lucky used to an indoor-only life [we edited this letter for length], and how patient you've been through all of the trials involved in this transition. I'm sure Lucky has picked up on your own grief about Iddy Bit and the emotions you've felt around the changes you've made in your life -- particularly since you say he's very bonded to you.

Siouxsie: What this all means is, we don't think you're going to have to find a new home for Lucky. What he will need is extra support and love as he gets used to the idea that Iddy Bit is gone.

Thomas: Lucky's desire to be near you all the time is a sign that he's feeling insecure right now. You're the only other being who's been a part of his life as long as Iddy Bit, so he's seeking your company for comfort.

Dahlia: Yowling can happen for a couple of reasons. He could be calling -- either to you or to Iddy Bit. The yowl you describe sounds like the "Help! I'm all alone and I'm scared!" call. When kittens do it, it's really high-pitched and squeaky, but when cats become adults, the tone of their voice changes and it becomes the haunting, bereft wail you described.

Siouxsie: Some older cats begin yowling in the middle of the night. Many vets believe this is due to a decrease in vision (cats' eyesight deteriorates with age, too) or to some level of cognitive dysfunction (senility). Some diseases like hyperthyroidism can have excessive crying as a symptom, too.

Thomas: However, 10 really isn't all that old for a well cared-for house cat. Lucky is about 60 in human years. (If you want to see how cat ages relate to human ages, we've got a chart here.) As you know, cats can live to be 17 to 20 years old. Mama even knows of a cat that lived to be 25!

Dahlia: And given the circumstances, we believe that the cause of his crying is more likely to be grief.

Siouxsie: When my littermate Sinéad (may she frolic in the great mouse-filled fields in the sky) died last year, I cried and paced and searched for her for almost a week, even though I knew in my heart that she wasn't coming back. Every once in a while, I still catch myself wondering where she is. *sniffle*

Thomas: It's always a good idea to contact your vet if your cat has a behavior change, because sometimes that's the only sign a cat will give that they're sick. So we'd suggest you take Lucky to the vet for a checkup, just to be on the safe side. Cats that are 10 or older should definitely have a vet exam at least once a year; some vets even recommend that senior cats get examined twice a year because illnesses like diabetes or hyperthyroidism can be much more effectively treated if they're caught early.

Dahlia: We actually think Lucky would suffer even more if you rehomed him at this point, so we hope you will keep working with him and giving him the love and support he needs. Ten is also a bit old to be transitioned into the life of a barn cat, particularly after he's been a house cat for his whole life.

Siouxsie: I'm 11 years old, and while I still like to go outside and frolic occasionally, I have to confess I prefer basking in sun puddles to stalking rodents. And I'm not quite as spry as I was when I was a kitten. On cold, damp nights, I like a warm, soft lap to ease the mild aching in my hips.

Thomas: If Lucky's crying and behavior changes are based on grief, the only thing that will help is time. You and he can support each other, too. Don't be embarrassed to talk to him about how you're feeling. Spend time stroking his fur and telling him you understand and you're sad about Iddy Bit, too. Sharing the burden will help both of you. As the months go on, the sharp pain of the loss will become a dull ache, and you'll be able to remember the happy times you shared together with a tear of joy.

Dahlia: So ultimately, if we were you, we wouldn't send Lucky to a new home. We'd make an appointment to talk to the vet and get him checked out, just to make sure his behavior changes aren't related to physical illness. And we'd spend time talking to Lucky and telling him what happened. We've written a column on some ways to help grieving cats, which you can find here. It lists some resources that can help you with your grief, too.

Siouxsie: If you're interested in reading cat books, Complete Care for Your Aging Cat, by Amy D. Shojai, is full of information about how cats' bodies and minds change as they age. The book also discusses some common age-related illnesses and treatments available for those illnesses. It even has a chapter about saying good-bye to your cat friend when the time comes.

Thomas: Good luck to you and Lucky, Terry. Please let us know how things turn out.

Dahlia: Before we go, we want to let you know about two really cool cat websites we found this week. Mr. Lee's Catcam is a series of photo essays that details the "secret life" of cats. A German man purchased a tiny digital camera, which he programmed to take photos at set intervals. He then put the camera in a protective shell and attached it to his cat's collar. The resulting photos show what cats do when they're out on their own.

Siouxsie: And Cat Galaxy Media has cat TV, cat radio, and all sorts of other cat information. It's operated by a computer technician with a particular interest in cat rescue, and the site also helps a nonprofit animal rescue group in Arizona, USA.

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail us at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the material in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.