Dear Thomas,
My name is Max and I am a 2 to 3 year old Maine Coon mix. I was recently adopted from a rescue group by a really nice family. We live in a place called Wisconsin and we have a wonderful large house that my humans and I share with two dogs and two other cats. I have been with my new family for about 2 months now. Things have gone pretty darn well. I know I am loved and that I am safe. I have adjusted to the new food and the new litter boxes (we have four...no litter box problems so far!!) and I find my canine brother and sister easy to live with...I ignore them and they ignore me. But my two feline sisters are another thing. That is why I am writing to you and your sisters.

My new sisters and I have not had one single fight. No hitting, no tussling, no swatting. Like your house, we too have the diffusers from the Cat Faeries (Mom calls them our happy face plug-ins). But...the "girls," as Mom and Dad refer to them, are pretty cold to me. When I first came, after I had gotten used to my new home in a separate room that Mom said was my "sanctuary", they would hiss at me all of the time. They hiss much less now, so that is better, but I am excluded from most things. For example, at night, everyone goes upstairs to sleep in what Mom and Dad call the "inner sanctum"...but my sisters seem to take turns sitting at the top of the stairs "guarding" the bedroom so I sleep downstairs in the dinning room.

Can you tell me Thomas (and Sinéad and Siouxsie too), when will my sisters start to accept me? My mom said that Thomas, you too were adopted into a family with two girl cats...when did it get better? I saw a picture on your Mama's "blog" and all of you were sleeping on the same bed...I long for that day. When will it arrive?

Yours truly,
Max

P.S.: I know you will be able to help me. My sisters Lilly and Layla wrote to you a while ago about our canine brother and his "odoriferous" breaking wind problem. That is much better now, thanks to your advice.

Thomas: Wow, I got a letter! Wheee! I'm so proud and happy I could just purr my head off! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter!

Sinéad: Congratulations, darling. See, I told you people would ask you questions after a while. All you had to do is wait and see.

Siouxsie: Just answer the little guy's question!

Sinéad: Oh, Siouxsie, stop being such a sourpuss! As I recall, you were pretty excited when we got our first letters, too. Give him a break.

Siouxsie: Oh, Okay. But don't you think this means you can come up and steal my lap space, stripey-head!

Sinéad: Siouxsie....

Siouxsie: *sigh* Okay, okay, I'm sorry Thomas. Go ahead and answer Max's question. But before we go, we got some great feedback from Gail at CatFaeries about last week's column on how to help your cat lose weight and not be mad about it. Click here to read Gail's comment.

Thomas: Believe me, Max, I feel your pain. It's so hard going into a new home and dividing up the territory between the other cats in the house. I'm glad to hear you're getting along well with the dogs. I've never met a dog before, although I used to hear them barking all the time when I was in the shelter, and they sounded so big and scary.....so I'm not sure how I'd do with that.

It took a lot of time for Sinéad and Siouxsie and me to get used to each other. Mama says I've been living here for eight months now, and it wasn't until the end of the summer that they let me sleep on the bed with them. The Feliway helped a lot with that, but really, time is the only cure for the "new cat" blues.

Your humans seem to be helping you as much as they can by giving you your own separate sanctuary, and they introduced you to the girls in just the right way. But it's just hard to break into the circle when you're the new guy in town. Especially if your sisters have been together for a long time--I mean, Sinéad and Siouxsie were littermates, so they've been together since before they were even born!

Now, though, Sinéad lets me sleep next to her on the bed. Last night we were almost back-to-back. Mama says there was barely an inch between us! I think Sinéad and I became friends first because we have similar temperaments. I'm kinda shy and quiet, and so is Sinéad. I like Siouxsie, too, as long as she's not trying to whack me when I get up on Mama's lap...

Siouxsie: You're stealing my Love Rays! That's why I smack you!

Sinéad: Siouxsie...

Thomas: For a while I tried to be Top Cat, but that didn't work out too well. You know how it is, Max: the lady cats are always in charge, and you just have to get used to that. We cats are matriarchal by nature, and I'd kinda forgotten that because I lived with a male human before I came to this home. As soon as I realized what the problem was and I began treating Siouxsie with proper deference, our relationship improved.

Mama helped Sinéad to get along better with me. Poor thing, she was so insecure! Mama had lots of conversations with Sinéad and told her over and over that nobody was going to replace her. And she made extra time to be with Sinéad and do things Sinéad loves like playing Cave Kitty (sleeping under the blankets with Mama). Mama also was very careful to make sure she didn't shortchange the Ladies when it came to attention, because as you probably know, cats can be very resentful about such things.

Change is hard for all cats, even when it's good change, and all of you have some adapting to do. But rest assured, with time and kindness and proper deference, all problems will ultimately dissolve.

Make sure your humans tell each cat that he or she is the favorite in some way. Mama says I'm her favorite boy, Sinéad is her favorite love-girl, and Siouxsie is Top Cat and Queen Of All Eastern Cats. That way everybody feels equally loved.

It'll take a while, Max, but the girls will get used to you, and before you know it, you'll be sharing a bed together and you'll have worked out arrangements for sharing your humans, warm spots, and all the other necessities of cat life. Just take it a day at a time. Some of that multi-cat household flower essence from Cat Faeries can be useful, too. Mama puts it in our water dish every day, and once the alcohol evaporates out, it tastes just fine.

I hope this helps, Max. Keep the faith, buddy; you'll get your territory and lap time. I promise!

P.S.: I just bet Sinéad's gonna touch noses with me any day!

Sinéad: My, you're so.....forward.... Hee hee hee!

Siouxsie: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. All right, that's it. Time's up, stripey man! Now here's some more advice on slimming down your kitty friend.

Gail's advice on how to diet a fat kitty

Could I "fine tune" the advice on feeding cats separately who need to trim down? I did this with my cat Tasha and it worked grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Call the vet and find out how many calories she needs to SAFELY lose weight SL-L-L-LOWLY. Then you call the cat food company and ask them how many calories are in their cans of food, or how many calories are in a cup of dry food. This way you can measure it out. And you can continue to feed high quality food, not that crappy low calorie stuff. Its about portion control!

Feed the cat separately in a room with the door shut. You can train her to run after you--Tasha practically trips me to get to HER dining room, which is my office. Put her bowl down and shut the door. Feed the others. When they are done, collect the food bowl. Then let Dieting Kitty out and wash her dish.

What you might do is put Dieting Kitty's food into TWO dishes. This will make her think she's getting twice as much. It fooled Tasha! She still eats alone, in her dining room and believe it or not she eats slowly now, and often doesn't finish every crumb. That never happened before. EVER! She lost 3 pounds slowly and safely and is now a svelte little vixen.

Thanks for your advice, Gail. Purrs and kisses to you and all the CatFaeries gang, four-legged and two-legged!

Got a question? Need some advice? E-mail Sinéad and Siouxsie at advice@paws-and-effect.com. None of the advice in this column is meant to be a substitute for regular veterinary care.