Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

My cat is approximately 5 years old. I adopted her from the ASPCA over a year ago. She seems to be afraid of her toys — the ones with little stuffed animals or feathers hanging from sticks — and runs away when I try to play with her. She prefers to pounce on my arm and grip it, play biting it. How can I make sure she is getting enough stimulation and exercise without sacrificing my arm?

~ Maureen

Play is super-important for happy (and well-behaved) cats.

Siouxsie: This is an odd situation, Maureen, but we think we can help. We cats do love to play, but there’s a right way and a not-so-right way to play with us.

Thomas: A lot of people think they can play with their cats like they’d play with a dog — that is, getting them all riled up and excited by waving toys at them or perhaps even putting those toys near their faces. That doesn’t work so well for cats.

Dahlia: When you play with your cat, you need to exercise her prey drive.

Siouxsie: Think about the kinds of critters we hunt: Mice and birds. Some cats are “mousers” and some cats are “birders,” and you’ll find out which one your cat is when you play with her.

Thomas: Mice move along the ground in uneven jerks, sometimes standing still. They often seek shelter or move in quiet places. If you use a toy with a stuffed animal on the end, or even just a plain old six-foot-long shoestring, use these kind of motions.

Dahlia: Birds also move around on the ground, but then they suddenly take off. When you play with a feather toy, use this kind of motion.

Siouxsie: Most importantly, don’t wave the toy right in your cat’s face or aim it at her head. That will scare her and she won’t want to play with you.

Thomas: Start out by dragging the toy along the floor, several feet away from her, using slight jerking motions to attract her attention. You’ll probably notice that her eyes will start following the motion of the toy. If you keep doing this, making the toy’s movement unpredictable, she’ll get into a crouched pose. You might see her tail starting to twitch a little bit. Then her muscles will tense … and bam! She’ll be on the toy!

Dahlia: Make the toy “struggle” for a few seconds as she wraps her paws around it and bites it, and then let it “die.”

Siouxsie: When you play like that, you’re engaging her whole prey cycle: hunt, catch, kill. You can make the experience even more awesome by giving her a small treat afterwards so she gets to eat once she’s killed. (But keep the treats very small in size and adjust her regular feedings to compensate for the extra calories so she doesn’t start gaining weight.)

Thomas: As for what you can do about your kitty stalking and “killing” your arm, think about what kind of motions you’re making when she goes after your limbs. Are you making small motions like typing on a keyboard, knitting, writing or drawing? If so, she may be attracted to the motion of your fingers, the pencil, the knitting needles or the string.

Dahlia: What that’s telling you is that her prey drive is not being sufficiently exercised. If you’re able to play properly with your cat, so that your attempts to play with interactive toys don’t frighten her, you’ll be able to burn off a lot of that extra energy and it’s very likely that the arm-attacking behavior will stop.

Siouxsie: When she does attack you, cry “ow!” in a high-pitched but not excessively loud tone, and put her on the floor. This “ow! and down” technique has been very successful, particularly with kittens. The high-pitched squeak is a tool kittens use to tell each other that the play is getting too rough.

Thomas: Jackson Galaxy, cat behaviorist extraordinaire and star of the Animal Planet show My Cat From Hell, made this short video on how to properly play with your cat. This could be helpful, too.

(In a reader? Watch the video here.)

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have two male cats. They are brothers but from different litters and this started when they were younger (well on my male cat’s part anyway). My male cat is always trying to “hump” my sister’s male cat. I thought it was because he wasn’t getting to go outside as much as he wanted and so I allowed him to stay out as long as he wanted and hoped that it would help but he does even more so now. I mean he is literally (or so it seems) trying to mate with the male cat. I know that having him fixed might help a little bit but I can’t afford that right now and so my biggest question is, how can I stop my male cat from trying to mate with the other male cat? It’s getting a little ridiculous and annoying. I love my cat and I don’t want to get rid of him! Help me please.

~ Tracy

Siouxsie: Well, Tracy, your cat is most likely mounting your sister’s cat because he’s frustrated.

Thomas: He’s sexually mature, and he can smell the female kitties in heat in your neighborhood, but he has no way of getting to them.

Dahlia: So he displaces this sexual frustration onto your sister’s cat in the form of sexualized aggression.

Siouxsie: We’re not surprised the behavior escalated after he got to go outside, because at that point he not only smelled the ladies waiting to experience his manly charms, but he probably had some run-ins with neighborhood tomcats too.

Thomas: We’re willing to bet that your cat has started spraying, too. That’s how male cats leave love notes for the ladies and threats of grievous bodily harm for other toms.

Dahlia: And if he’s started spraying, we’ll also bet that other cats have been spraying in your yard, too.

Siouxsie: This aromatic invasion has almost certainly made your cat feel as though his territory is under attack.

Thomas: The territorial stress also helps to increase your cat’s need for aggression, and your sister’s poor kitty just happens to be in the line of fire.

Dahlia: We hate to break it to you, Tracy, but the only way you’re going to be able to put a stop to this behavior is by having your cat neutered.

Siouxsie: There are low-cost spay/neuter clinics just about everywhere in the US and Canada, and in Europe and many other places in the world, too, so there’s really no excuse not to have your cat fixed. Some states even offer voucher programs for low-income individuals to have their pets spayed or neutered for free.

Thomas: Contact your nearest animal shelter or humane society to see what programs are available in your area.

Dahlia: There are a couple of websites that offer searchable databases for low-cost spay/neuter clinics in your state. Some states don’t have complete listings (Maine doesn’t; we checked), which is why we recommend you call your local shelter first. But it’s a place to start.

Siouxsie: Here’s the ASPCA’s low-cost spay/neuter clinic database …

Thomas: NeuterSpay.org provides a searchable database of low-cost or free spay/neuter resources for pets and feral cats in the United States. They also have listings for Canada and Europe.

Dahlia: While your cat is getting the snip, so to speak, check by your doors and windows (inside and outside) and around your yard with a black light to find spots where male cats have sprayed. Then clean those spots with products designed to remove urine odors and stains. We recommend Anti-Icky-Poo if you’re in the market for a pre-made product. A solution of white vinegar and water (mixed 50/50) can also do the job.

Siouxsie: We’d also recommend that you use Feliway Comfort Zone spray and diffusers in your home in order to reduce your resident cats’ stress level. Feliway is a synthetic version of “happy cat” pheromones, and we’ve found it very effective in reducing aggression and urine marking.

Thomas: You can shop around to see if you can get a better price on the Feliway, but from what we’ve seen, the prices at the linked site are well within the norm.

Dahlia: Good luck, Tracy — and get that cat fixed!

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have a Bombay cat who is just over a year old. She is loving and friendly and is very patient with my son. But about a week ago I went to feed her at night (in the dark) and she began to growl and hiss. I tired to calm her down by telling her it was OK. but next thing I knew she lunged at me and bit my leg. She punctured my skin and left a huge bruise. She has been aggressive like this before, but never this bad. Is there any way to tell if a cat has trouble seeing? I think she can’t see well at night and this is why she gets so angry. Durring the day she is loving and affectionate. Any advice would be appreciated.

~ Laura

Cats can react to surprises with fear or anger, depending on the cat's personality.

Siouxsie: Well, Laura, the only way you’re really going to know if your cat is having difficulty seeing is by taking her to the vet for a checkup, so we’d definitely recommend that.

Thomas: And when you do go, be sure to mention the aggressiveness to the vet as well. That could be a symptom of a vision problem or it could be something else entirely.

Dahlia: It’s pretty unlikely that a cat will have bad vision at such a young age — but that’s not to say it couldn’t happen.

Siouxsie: We did some quick research and although Bombay cats can be prone to skull defects as a result of inbreeding, we haven’t found any evidence of genetic disorders that would produce long-term vision problems.

Thomas: However, the Bombay’s ancestors include the Burmese, and some of these cats can have inherited visual problems. Lipaemia of the aqueous humor usually appears between the ages of 5 months and a year, and lends a milky appearance to the eyes. The condition usually resolves on its own in a few days.

Dahlia: In some Burmese cats, an out-of-place piece of skin or hair grows on the eyeball and can impede vision. This is usually resolved with surgery.

Siouxsie: There is a nutritional deficiency can cause vision changes. Because cats are obligate carnivores — they must eat meat in order to survive — if fed a vegetarian diet, they develop a deficiency of the enzyme taurine, which can lead to blindness and heart disease.

Thomas: But these conditions are rare enough that, in the old American doctor adage, it’s like hearing hoofbeats outside and assuming a herd of zebras is running by. Of course, if you’re on the African savannah, you really wouldn’t be out of line at all if you assume you’re hearing zebras … or gazelles, or elands, or gemsboks, or antelopes, or giraffes, or …

Dahlia: Okay, Thomas, we get it. Anyway, because your cat has been having aggression issues for a while now, we think it’s more likely that her problems are based in fear, and that’s the problem you’re going to have to solve.

Siouxsie: One of our research sources did note that Bombay kittens can be quite timid when they’re young, and it may take a while for them to come out of their shells and grow into their sociable, loving nature.

Thomas: If you purchased your cat from a breeder, you might want to contact him or her and see if her parents have a history of being fearful or nervous, and if so, are there techniques the breeder would recommend to help ease your cat’s anxiety.

Dahlia: If your cat came from a pet store, she may have been a product of a “kitten mill,” and might not have been properly socialized when she was younger.

Siouxsie: In any case, once you’ve been to the vet and ruled out any organic problems like bad eyesight, it’s time to look at her body language to determine whether her aggressiveness comes from fear or anger.

Thomas: You can take a look at this column to find out the difference between angry and fearful body language.

Dahlia: If your cat is fearful, you could try installing pheromone diffusers to lower her stress and anxiety level. They’ve worked very well for us and lots of other cats, too!

Siouxsie: Make sure you recognize the early signs of an aroused state (see fearful and angry body language, above) so that you can defuse the situation before it gets to the point where your cat feels the need to lash out.

Thomas: You might want to check out some cat behavior books, too. Think Like A Cat by Pam Johnson-Bennett is the best one we’ve seen and we recommend it highly.

Dahlia: If it turns out that your cat does have vision problems, we’d recommend you take a look at this column from the Paws and Effect archives to learn some ways you can help to accommodate her special needs and keep her safe.

Siouxsie: Good luck to you and your cat, Laura. We hope this helps.

Well! Now that I’ve recovered from the horrors of last week’s so-called gift, I guess it’s time to get back to writing my autobiography. Barking Man never did thank me for saving his baby goats’ lives, although Screaming Woman did send some yummy, delicious chicken home with Mama, and that pretty much made up for Barking’s complete failure in the etiquette department.

Spring was upon the farm! The grass was green, and the new goatlings were bouncing around and playing in the fields as their mothers chewed their cuds and chatted about the latest gossip. That was how I found out that Ping the Goose was seeing Lucky behind Yang’s back! I’d heard Yang, one of the lady geese, complaining to a pair of chickens that Ping never came to see her while she was sitting on the nest. Although the chickens clucked their commiseration with poor Yang’s misery, they just went and gave the same affectionate ear to Lucky when she complained about Ping’s dalliances. The difference was that Lucky knew Ping was messing around with Yang, and she spent a lot of time honking miserably about how Ping didn’t want to be her life-mate, and it was all because of her gimpy leg.

Of course, as soon as the chickens left, they just shook their heads and said they couldn’t believe the pair of them were such drama queens! One gander, two geese — what exactly did they think was going to happen? After all, Ping has goslings by both of them because exactly the same thing happened last year! Did Yang and Lucky seriously think that philandering gander was going to change his ways?

“At least we know better than to have any romantic expectations about the roosters!” said one of the chickens. “It’s all wham, bam, thank you ma’am and hopefully you’ve got some feathers left on your back when it’s over!”

But the geese weren’t the only ones suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous animal fortunate. We had our struggles, too: A Strange Cat had taken to hanging out behind our little apartment!

Thomas tried to reassure me. “Oh, that’s just Sasha,” he said. “She was here when I got here.”

“But she’s mean to me!” I cried. “Every time I go out to watch the mice playing, she hisses at me and calls me names!”

“I’ll have a talk with her, Dahlia,” Thomas promised me. “You just stay inside tonight and snuggle with Mama — she could use some extra snuggle time today anyway — and I’ll see what I can do about the situation with Sasha.”

Well, sure enough, Mama let Thomas out to do his nightly rounds and I curled up in Mama’s arms to watch an awesome movie about giant cats — did you know there are black cats that are 20 times as big as me? — and get some delightful petties. I tried to focus on those great huge black cats, but I couldn’t help overhearing Thomas and Sasha’s conversation.

Sasha, the Demon Cat! See those glowing, fiery eyes? *eep*

“Sasha, please be nice to Dahlia,” Thomas said.

“NoooOOOooo,” she growled. “That little [ooh! swear word!] is crawling around my barn, and I won’t have it!”

“Dahlia lives here too, Sasha, and I’m asking you to be kind to her. There’s plenty of room here for all of us cats.”

“No! This is my barn! You should be glad I let you skulk around in here without kicking your tail, too!”

“Well, if you’d ever bothered to catch any of the rats in here, I guess I would have left well enough alone …”

“Rats are for PEASANT cats! Noble cats like me don’t eat rats! They taste bitter and they’re stringy!”

“Peasant, huh?” Thomas said. “So who’s the one that eats that nasty, cheap cat food that costs 39 cents a pouch? At least my mama feeds me good food that doesn’t have stuff in it that makes my poop stink!”

I was starting to have a bad feeling about this conversation.

“If your food is so good, how come you’re out here catching rats all night?”

“Because a gentleman cat makes sure his humans are safe from disease-carrying vermin!”

“Real cats don’t care about humans!”

“If you didn’t care about humans, you sure as [ooh! swear word!] wouldn’t be spending most of your time in that big house fawning in front of those House Humans to get your disgusting, pre-fab, so-called food!”

“You need to step the [ooh! swear word!] back, pussy cat!”

“DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!”

“DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!!!!”

Then, all hell broke loose. Mama jumped off the couch (disturbing me in the process), threw open the back door, stamped her foot and clapped her hands, and yelled “STOP IT! RIGHT NOW!”

Sasha and Thomas’s footsteps skittered through the darkness in opposite directions, leaving nothing but dust motes and a destroyed piece of glassware in their wake.

“Thomas,” Mama called quietly. “Come here.”

She squinted into the darkness for a few moments, and just as she was about to close the door, Thomas strode in, back legs stiff and tail held high.

As we snuggled together on Mama’s lap, Thomas gave me a gentle lick on the ear. “I did my best,” he said.

“That’s all right, Thomas,” I purred. “It’s obvious that cat can’t be reasoned with.”

“Don’t worry, Dahlia. If you want to come out at night, we’ll stick together and I’ll protect you, no matter what!”

With a contented sigh, I rested my paw on his shoulder and fell asleep while the giant black cat on the TV stalked its giant food.

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