Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

We just adopted a 9-month-old cat four days ago. She has been quiet and hiding, but yesterday she started to come out and explore a bit more. Today my son held her and she seemed very happy being held in his lap and was purring and drooling. At one point during this petting she licked his face and then bit him. Afterwards, she ran and hid under the bed. We left her there for six hours, and we did not scold her. I just went under the bed and petted her and she began purring, so I scooped her up and brought her on the bed with my son and me. Once again, she was purring and rubbing her head under my chin and seemed happy. We did this for two minutes and then she bit my face. Not hard, but enough to leave a swollen scratch. My son is now afraid of her, and I am wondering if this is a normal behavior. My guess is I should have just left her under the bed and let her come out on her own, but it seemed like she really wanted to be petted. She is now walking around the house and does not seem irritated. This is our first pet, and I want to be sure we give her confidence and a home where she feels safe and loved — and our faces remain unbitten!

~Melissa

Siouxsie: First of all, Melissa, congratulations on your new family member. And yes, we definitely can help you figure out why your kitty is doing this and what you can do to prevent it.

Thomas: It sounds like you may be dealing with what experts refer to as petting-induced aggression.

Dahlia: What this means is that your cat loves your attention, but at a certain point she becomes overstimulated and feels forced to do something to stop your petting.

Siouxsie: Usually a cat gives signs that the affection you’re giving her is getting to be more than she can tolerate. But these indications are subtle, and it’t not surprising that as a first-time pet caretaker you wouldn’t quite know them.

Thomas: We cats communicate primarily through body language rather than vocalizing, and here are some clues that your kitty is getting overstimulated. First of all, her tail might start thumping, twitching, or lashing back and forth. (A “wagging” tail is not a sign of happiness in cats.)

Dahlia: Her skin might twitch a little bit, or she might start shifting her body position because she’s getting uncomfortable.

Siouxsie: She may look back at you several times, as if to say “Why aren’t you getting it? This is too much for me!”

Thomas: If your cat shows any of these signs, stop petting her right away and don’t hold onto her.

Dahlia: Holding a cat when they’re ready to leave can also trigger an aggressive response. Cats don’t like to be cornered, and if your cat starts squirming or tensing her body while you’re holding her, let her go.

Siouxsie: Once you’ve learned the signs of overstimulation, you can stop petting her before she starts getting uncomfortable. It’s better to leave your cat wanting more than it is to leave her feeling frustrated because she couldn’t make herself understood.

Thomas: Many cats have places they prefer to be petted and places that are totally off-limits. For example, most cats will tolerate gentle rubs around the head and shoulders but will have a hard time with strokes down the back.

Dahlia: The middle and lower back by the base of the tail are very sensitive spots, particularly for cats that become easily overstimulated.

Siouxsie: Most cats don’t like having their tummies rubbed, either. That’s a very vulnerable spot, and a belly-rub will send your cat into an instinctive defense response involving claws and teeth.

Thomas: So our advice for petting is to stroke her head and shoulders, give her gentle rubs under her chin, and be very aware of her body language and the signs that she’s reached the limits of her tolerance.

Dahlia: On a vaguely related note, be sure to spend time playing with your cat. A couple of 10- to 15-minute rounds of interactive play will help your kitty get her aggressive instincts out. Play is particularly important since she’s an “only cat.”

Siouxsie: We recommend toys like the Play-N-Squeak Mouse, the Kittenator, or Da Bird, because you can make them act like mice or birds and your kitty can get exercise with her claws and teeth — without causing you injury. Never play with a cat using your hand or fingers because that will give her the idea that clawing and biting your hand is OK.

Thomas: Finally, you might want to get some books on cat behavior so you can get a better understanding of your cat and see what you can do to reinforce good behavior, help her through her fear in her new home, and correct any behavior problems she already has. The best book we’ve read on this subject is Think Like a Cat by Pam Johnson-Bennett.

Dahlia: You’ll also want to make sure you find a good vet for your new cat and take her for regular checkups. Cats age much faster than humans, and annual vet visits can help keep your cat healthy and detect problems before they become severe.

Siouxsie: Speaking of annual vet visits and cat raising tips, we’d recommend that you read the articles in the Kittens section of Catster.com to learn more about your cat’s development and how best to care for her. (In the interest of full disclosure, Mama wrote all the articles in that section. But we helped.)

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have a deaf cat who hasn’t been right since his brother went to the Bridge. Ever since he was a kitten, he used to be very well behaved, but for the last month he has been extremely obstinate: he seems to do things intentionally, like getting on the counter and pawing things off, or picking fights with the other cats. He’s turned in to an uncontrollable mad cat. I’ve taken him to the vet and she said there’s nothing medically wrong with him. He doesn’t respond to the spray bottle anymore, it’s like he’s laughing at me for trying. Though I’ve worked with MANY cats over the years, he is my first deaf one. The thing that has me really worried is his sudden aggression towards the other kitties, as he is much bigger than most of them and I’m afraid he’s really going to hurt one of them. Any advice on how to deal with my hard-headed deaf boy would be greatly appreciated.

~Michelle

Siouxsie: It sounds to us like there are two things going on here. First, the death of a beloved companion, animal or human, is one of the greatest stresses a cat can ever endure. The grief, anger, and sense of loss is just as great in a cat as it is in any other living creature, including people. Secondly, your deaf kitty is probably pretty scared.

Thomas: It’s possible that your deaf cat’s brother helped him compensate for his disability. Without his helpmate, he may not know what to expect from his environment. We suspect that his aggressive acting-out with his feline housemates is due to fear.

Dahlia: Fear aggression and anger aggression can seem very similar to humans because both types start with growling and hissing and end with fighting. But there are body language cues you can look for to help you determine whether your cat’s aggression is fear-based or anger-based.

Fear aggression. Image courtesy of webmd.com

Siouxsie: The cat in this photo is showing fear aggression. Her ears are down and back, her pupils are dilated, and she’s crouching low. She’s in a corner and doing her best to get whatever is threatening her to go away.

Thomas: If the interloper doesn’t leave, she will start fighting because she feels the need to defend herself against whatever is coming her way.

Dahlia: You can detect fear aggression before it reaches this stage, where a fight is imminent. In the early stages of fear aggression, you’ll see the fearful cat turn sideways to his potential attacker and the fur on his tail will stand up on end. These are efforts to appear as big as possible.

Anger aggression. Image courtesy of teachacat.info.

Siouxsie: In anger aggression, on the other hand, the aggressor directly faces his opponent. He stands stiffly, with his back end higher than his front end. His ears are down, but they’re stuck out sideways like airplane wings rather than flattened back against his head.

Thomas: An angry cat’s pupils are narrow, and his tail lashes back and forth.

Dahlia: Most cats conflicts are resolved with hissing and swearing before they reach the point of actual fighting. Cats have a very strong “fight or flight” reflex, and a fearful cat would much rather run away than engage in a fight. But if he doesn’t think he has any other choice, the claws and teeth will come out.

Siouxsie: As you can imagine, a deaf cat may feel he has a lot to fear from an environment where he’s suddenly lost his best friend and he has no idea how the other cats will treat him. Even relatively innocuous gestures can seem like potential attacks to a cat that’s already scared and stressed.

Thomas: So, what can you do about the aggression? First, don’t try to pull the cats apart if they’re already fighting. Since both participants are really charged up, they may bite at whatever is near them, including your hand or arm. The best thing to do if the cats are already fighting is to take a broom and sweep them apart.

Dahlia: If it looks like a fight is about to happen, try distracting the cats. Stomp your foot and clap your hands so that the deaf cat and the hearing cat have some kind of distraction.

Siouxsie: As for your deaf cat’s special needs, we’d suggest that you provide him with a safe space where he can count on being alone and unmolested. If he starts feeling safe again, he’ll start regaining his confidence. The safe room will give him a chance to get used to navigating his world without his brother.

Thomas: You can do this by putting him in a room with two or three baby gates stacked up in the doorway so that he’s not completely isolated, but he can feel confident that no other cat is going to come into his space.

Dahlia: Don’t leave him in there all the time, of course, but try  “putting him to bed” in that room overnight or while you’re at work so he can have some peace and quiet while you’re away. You’ll want to leave him food, water, a litterbox, a comfortable bed (this can be as simple as a favorite blanket on a couch or bed that’s already in the room), and a few toys.

Siouxsie: If the cats get into a fight while you’re home, put the deaf cat into a quiet, calm room where he can relax. In this case, you can close the door behind you and let him and his opponent chill out for about half an hour.

Thomas: We’d recommend that you get some Feliway diffusers and put them in rooms where your cats hang out together. Feliway is a feline pheromone analogue that releases hormones that help cats to relax. Humans seem to think that if there is a scent, it’s barely detectable, if it’s detectable at all. Our last vet had Feliway diffusers in all the cat exam rooms.

Dahlia: Finally, be sure to give your deaf cat lots of love and comfort. Open your heart to him and allow him to feel your grief and loss, too, and (even if this sounds silly) “tell” him with your thoughts that you understand his grief, that you love him, and that you hope he’ll be kind to his feline housemates. Make sure to frame your thoughts in a positive way. Don’t tell him “don’t fight,” for example, because he’ll get the “fight” part but not the “don’t” part. It’s much easier for a human to visualize a desired act, like kindness and affection, than it is to visualize not doing something.

Siouxsie: However, don’t comfort him directly after he does things you don’t want. This will reinforce the negative behavior. If he gets in a fight, don’t hold him and comfort him right afterward. Instead, put him in a room where he can calm down. If he starts cussing at another cat while he’s on your lap, put him on the floor.

Thomas: Good luck, Michelle. We hope this helps. Please let us know how things turn out.

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

OK, this is probably a stupid question, but what does it mean when a cat winks? I read somewhere that it means something.

~Barb

Siouxsie: Let us start by assuring you that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, Barb.

Thomas: In fact, we think it’s highly commendable that you want to learn more about the subtle language of cats.

Dahlia: We cats do a lot of talking with our eyes. When we confront another cat, we do so with our eyes wide open and our pupils narrow — engaging in a stare-down, if you will. When we want some petting, we’ll sit on the floor and look up at you with big eyes and somewhat dilated pupils to show love and adoration (and a desire for your attention).

Siouxsie: When we stare with narrowed eyes, that’s an expression of haughty disgust. And when we’re upset at humans, we stare with open eyes and our top eyelids almost flat and pointed down toward our nose.

Thomas: The expressions we use to express our love — to another cat or to a human — are the slow blink and the wink.

Dahlia: The wink signifies “I like you, you’re kind of fun” or “Thanks for the treat/snack/toy/etc.”

Siouxsie: But the ultimate expression of love is the slow blink. Some people call the slow blink a “cat kiss.”

Thomas: The slow blink is a gesture in which we gradually close both eyes, keep the eyes closed for a second, and then slowly reopen the eyes.

Dahlia: You can try giving your cat a kiss with your eyes and see how she responds. Usually if you give an eye-kiss and your cat is paying attention, she’ll give you one in return. I love it when Mama gives me eye-kisses. And lip-kisses. And petties in all the right places! And verbal acknowledgment of my beauty, grace, elegance, intelligence, lovely tail, perfectly maintained fur …

Siouxsie: All right, all right. That’s enough! We all appreciate it when Mama tells us she knows how wonderful we are, but it’s in really poor taste to brag about it.

Thomas: When you visit a home with a cat, you can try giving the resident cat an eye-kiss. You’ll probably see that the cat will be encouraged by your polite approach to making friends with him, and he may even condescend to sit on your lap and allow you to pet him.

Dahlia: We do recommend that you practice the eye-kiss in a relaxed environment. Most cats won’t respond to eye-kisses if there’s a lot of noise and chaos around them.

Siouxsie: When there’s a lot of activity, we cats have to be on guard to make sure we’re safe and we know everything that’s going on in our environment. Cat kisses require focused attention and, because we have to close our eyes to give kisses, we can’t be as aware of possible danger.

Thomas: So, Barb, you’re right. A cat’s wink does mean something. It means she likes you.

Dahlia: But sometimes, as Mama says, a cigar is just a cigar. We cats do wink or blink when we get something in our eye, too. But those winks and blinks are typically fast, and the cat that blinks because he’s got something in his eye generally isn’t looking at a person or another cat.

Siouxsie: We hope we’ve helped you to understand some of the subtleties of cat language, Barb.

Thomas: If you’re interested in learning more about other cat body language, we’ve got columns in our archives dealing with aggressive and defensive body language, as well as the language of ears, tails and whiskers.

Dahlia: Thank you for your question, Barb, and thank you for wanting to learn more about what your cat friends are saying to you.

Greetings, everyone. We’re sorry we’re a day late with our update, but we had to let Mama take care of some family obligations (and have some fun — we know she could use a break from her constant hard work in taking care of us and being our typist, publicist and webmaster). Anyway, we’re here, better late than never, on a lovely winter day. Well, lovely from the inside, anyway. We’re not fond of all that cold wet snow getting on our fur and in our toes …

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have 2 feral kitties which I adopted 4 months ago (they’re now 10 months old). I recently also adopted a stray, Louie, who is very sweet but hisses at everything from my other two cats to the walls, shoes and everything. He hasn’t really shown any signs of aggression but he just hisses at everything. How can I integrate Louie with the other two? Any suggestions would help.

~Nina

Siouxsie: Well, Nina, it sounds like your new kitty is scared. The best way to determine your cat’s mood is to look at his body language. The way he positions his body or holds his ears can tell you volumes about his emotional state.

Thomas: A quick way to tell who’s the aggressor and who’s the defender in an inter-cat conflict is to notice their positions relative to one another. The aggressor cat usually faces his opponent straight on, whereas the defender will hold himself sideways and look over his shoulder at the other cat. The defender is trying to make himself look bigger and more intimidating by showing off his whole body to the aggressor.

Dahlia: But as Siouxsie said, since your new kitty is hissing at everything, he’s probably scared and overwhelmed.

Siouxsie: We’re not sure how you went about introducing your new cat to your home and family. Some cats will do fine if they’re just plunked down in a room and left to their own devices, but many cats need a more gradual introduction. This is especially true if there are already other cats in the household.

Thomas: You might have to reintroduce your little one into your home, in order to help him overcome his fear. The best way to do this is to prepare a room for him. Make sure it’s a warm and comfortable room, not just a nasty old shed or something, and make sure the room has a door that closes firmly.

Dahlia: In that room, you’ll want to have everything the new cat needs: A litterbox, food and water dishes (positioned as far away from the litterbox as possible), a bed, comfortable resting places, and toys that he can use to entertain himself.

Siouxsie: Let the little guy become the “master” of that room. Go in the room regularly and give him affection and play time.

Thomas: When Mama introduced me into her household, she set up a place for me in her office. It was warm, and she spent a lot of time in there so I didn’t feel at all lonely. After a few days, I started to feel like investigating the rest of the house. But I always felt like the office was my special home-place.

Dahlia: You’ll want to keep the new cat in that space until he starts acting very comfortable in it. You’ll know he’s comfortable because he won’t run and hide when you come in or skulk around the edges of the room. His body will appear more relaxed, and he may play and purr more readily.

Siouxsie: While your new cat is in his room, you can start exchanging scents. Rub each cat with a sock to get their scent on it, and bring the scent of the new cat in for the other cats to investigate.

Thomas: With the little cat, bring him one sock at a time so he doesn’t feel so overwhelmed by the scent of two cats at once in his space.

Dahlia: Once he’s feeling comfortable, he probably will want to come out of the room and start exploring the rest of the house. Let him do this. He’ll know when he’s feeling brave enough to visit the other cats.

Siouxsie: Once the new cat feels braver, he may start tussling with one or both of your other cats. This is normal feline behavior. We all go through periods where we try to jockey for a higher position in the feline hierarchy. As long as it doesn’t result in injury, you don’t have to worry too much.

Thomas: We cats really don’t like to get in fights. That’s why we do so much hissing and growling and snarling — all that cussing is done to avert a fight before it gets physical.

Dahlia: One thing you can do to help your little guy feel more content is to use a feline pheromone diffuser. The most popular one is sold under the brand name Comfort Zone or Feliway. These are sold at pet stores and veterinarians’ offices, and can also be found online. Here’s a great FAQ on Feliway/Comfort Zone from Cat Faeries, one of our favorite kitty websites.

Siouxsie: Mama used some of that with us when she introduced Thomas, and all of us felt happier. The introduction was easier, and Sinéad (my sweet baby sister, may she frolic forever in the catnip-filled fields on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge) even stopped spraying on the refrigerator!

Thomas: There’s just one more thing. You didn’t say where this stray cat came from. If you saw him on the street and rescued him, he too might be a young feral cat.

Dahlia: There is a critical “window of opportunity” for socializing kittens. It occurs between the ages of 2 and 7 weeks. Some kittens who have not been exposed to people — or who have had bad experiences with people — during that period have a lot of difficulty getting acclimated to living with humans.

Siouxsie: It’s not impossible to socialize a feral kitten — as you obviously know, since you’ve adopted two others. But if this kitty came from the tough streets and has never been inside before, you’re going to have to be exceptionally patient as you work on getting him used to his new digs.

Thomas: If you haven’t already had him neutered, we’d recommend that you do so. Neutering will make him a more friendly cat in the long run, and you’ll avoid the malodorous problems associated with tomcats who don’t like their position in the feline family and who do like the pheromones coming from female cats in heat!

Dahlia: If your new guy allows himself to be petted, make sure you do so on his level. Sit on the floor so your towering body is less intimidating, hold your hand out and allow him to investigate it. Touch him very gently and see if he accepts your touch. Generally speaking, cats feel less intimidated by being touched on or near their shoulders than anywhere else.

Siouxsie: Thank you so much for rescuing feral cats and taking in this new stray baby. We hope that things work out well for all of you. Please let us know how it goes.