Hi everyone. It’s “Mama” here. Siouxsie, Thomas and Dahlia have let me have the Paws and Effect podium today to honor Thomas on his adoption anniversary. Amidst all the sadness, grief and chaos in Japan following yesterday’s earthquake and tsunami, we here at the Paws and Effect Palace have a reason to celebrate.

On March 12, 2004, I signed the papers officially welcoming Thomas into our home. This is a note I wrote to Thomas on the first anniversary of that auspicious day:

Dear Thomas,

I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I brought you home from the shelter! Today, as we celebrate your A-Day (the anniversary of your adoption) with yummy food, catnip, toys, and of course, the obligatory and joyfully given loving petties, I want to take a look back and remember how you came to be a part of my family.

I’ll be eternally grateful to the managing editor of the newspaper where I worked at the time, who, knowing that I had a “thing” for cats because of the weekly advice column I published on the paper’s website and my ability to answer just about any cat-related question in the known universe, asked me if I knew anyone who’d be interested in fostering a cat. It seemed he had a friend who was on the board of directors at the Camden-Rockport Animal Rescue League. This friend had recently brought three cats into the shelter; they had formerly lived with an employee of hers at her “day job,” but the employee had needed to move into a long-term care facility due to health problems. The cats were siblings — two females and a male — all of whom had gotten sick when they came to the shelter, probably due to the stress of the huge change in their lives.

Even though you were a very sick little kitty, you were still delighted to greet visitors.

You were in isolation because of your upper respiratory infection, and so you didn’t have any other cats to keep you company. The shelter staff tried to give you love and affection as much as they could, but they were very busy too, and they couldn’t take the time to hold you and love you and soothe your pain. I visited you as often as I could, but I had to leave too — I had to go back to work — and when I closed the door of the isolation room, your cries of loneliness just about broke my heart.

One day when I came to visit you, I found out they’d rushed you to the vet, where you were on IV fluids and barely alive. I had all I could do not to cry when I thought you might not make it. I sent you Reiki and I communicated with you, and I promised you that if you survived, you could come live with Sinéad and Siouxsie and me. (Of course, I had discussed the whole possibility of adopting another kitty thing with them and gotten their approval first.)

You survived that crisis and actually made a full recovery. The next time I called the shelter to check in on you, I found out that someone else had adopted you and your sisters. I was saddened that I wouldn’t get to see you again, but I was happy for you because I believed it would be good for you to be reunited with your siblings and live together with them again. I was happy that there was a human family willing to adopt all three of you and keep you together.

I made my peace with the fact that you wouldn’t be coming home with me. I told you that I loved you and that if you ever needed a home, the Ladies and I would be here for you.

Three weeks later, I got a call from the animal shelter director asking me if I was still interested in fostering you. “Absolutely!” I said. I asked what had happened with your previous situation; after all, it had seemed so perfect. The shelter director told me that you and your sisters were fighting constantly, and that your new humans were having a lot of trouble dealing with you. I said that given your brush with death and the resulting isolation and massive amounts of vet care, I wasn’t surprised that your sisters didn’t recognize you anymore, and I’d be more than happy to take you home and see if you’d get along with the Ladies.

Oh, Thomas, I felt so sad for you! You’d been through so much trauma and change, and you were still grieving about your human. The vets and shelter staff got you physically healthy again, but your emotional wounds were just as raw as ever. Not only that, but the trauma of getting “kicked back” to the shelter after thinking you might have a home only served to cause you even more grief. Sinéad and Siouxsie told me they were still fine with letting you live here, so I set you up with your own private room with a litter box, dishes, bed, etc., in my office.

I went to the shelter on my lunch break, signed the foster papers, and put you in the kitty carrier. You visited my work with me for a while, and then I drove you home with me. You cried all the way. When I got you home and opened the door to your carrier, you huddled miserably inside it. I don’t think you even left your carrier, except to eat or go to the bathroom, for a couple of days. I spent a lot of time sitting quietly in the room with you, stroking you as well as I could while you hunkered down inside your carrier. After a couple of days I gave you some Ignatia, a homeopathic remedy that helps to heal grief and trauma. Less than an hour after getting the remedy, you were out of your carrier, exploring the room, eating, drinking and peeing, and sniffing under the doors to find out more about those Other Cats who lived here.

Soon, you came out of your shell and started enjoying sunlight and love.

It didn’t take you too long to make friends with Sinéad. I figured she’d be your first “buddy” since you are so similar in temperament. In fact, when I caught you snuggling with her, I knew that everything was going to be OK and that you had absolutely made yourself at home here.

Snuggling with Sinéad

Thomas, you’ve utterly won my heart — and the hearts of the Ladies, too. Siouxsie likes you, even though you still growl at her sometimes. You’re one of maybe three good things that happened to me during my tenure at that newspaper job. You’re a blessing and a joy, my little stripey bandit. Thank you for becoming part of my family. I love you to pieces!

Sincerely,
Mama

I was still purring with the amazing insights I’d gained in my history lesson, when one day I realized that cat spirits weren’t the only non-bodied entities around here.

The first time I saw one, it was just a shadow that crossed the very edge of my field of vision. I nearly jumped out of my fur! With a hiss and a fat tail, I whirled to confront whatever was coming after me … and there was nothing there!

Thomas padded over to me and whispered comforting things in my ear as he groomed my head and smoothed the fur on my back.

Ah, it’s just the spirits, Siouxsie said from her throne in the sun puddle at the foot of the bed. You’ll get used to ‘em.

Glorious Flower of Wisdom

Glorious Flower of Wisdom faded into existence and sat next to me. Siouxsie’s right, she said. We cats are particularly sensitive to the other realms. You hadn’t seen the spirits before because you hadn’t been touched by the ancestors yet. But once you know about them, you’ll see them all around you.

And suddenly I realized she was right: now that I was paying attention, I could see them everywhere! I could barely turn around without getting my tail stepped on by a spirit entity! There were people of all ages and colors, dogs, chickens, goats, geese, cows, coyotes, foxes, deer, cats … and even fae creatures!

You can ask them to leave you some room to breathe, you know, Siouxsie said. Most of them are really nice and they’ll do what you ask. They’re just curious about you, that’s all.

All I had to do was think my request, and everybody took a step backwards. Of course, I thanked them politely for obliging me.

As I looked around at the spirits and ghosts and nature spirits and will-o-wisps surrounding me, one particular shadow caught my attention. He was somehow paler than the others, and he had a terribly sad vibration about him.

Every fiber of my being quivered toward this poor, despairing spirit, and I approached him. You look different from the others, I said. Why?

“I’m the spirit of a living person, and I’m looking for my soul,” the man-spirit said, wiping a tear from his face.

How did you lose your soul? I asked.

He drew a shuddering sigh.

“People can lose their souls in lots of different ways,” he said. “Sometimes they get left in the hospital if a baby is very sick and has to stay there without his mother. Sometimes children lose pieces of their souls when the ones who are supposed to protect them, hurt them instead. And the people who do the hurting lose their souls in the process, too.

When I lived here, I was not a kind man,” he told me. “I broke my wife’s heart and battered her body. I terrified my children and failed to protect them from those who would hurt them. I destroyed my family and my business because I was so sick that I couldn’t see the blessings I’d been given. And I lost it all.”

I’m sorry, I purred. What can I do to help you?

“I accept that I’m not going to be able to make up for what I did. My only hope is that the people I hurt will be able to find their own souls — not for my sake, but for theirs. Maybe that’s where you can help.”

I’ll do my best, I said, sitting proudly with my chest inflated. I’m a great, big, smart kitty and I can do it!

“You remind me of my daughter, little one,” the man said. I felt a breeze lift the fur on the back of my neck as his hand brushed by.

See the rest of the story | Next chapter >

Even though I was happy for Dolly because she’d found a forever home, I was still pretty sad for myself. I missed curling up in the warm, fluffy fur of her belly and purring as she licked my ears and neck with her giant, scratchy tongue.

I moped in my cage with my chin on the floor between my front paws. I barely moved even when my brothers stepped on me in the course of their wrestling matches. I ate a few kibbles here and there, but the ache in my heart was so big that most of the time I couldn’t feel my hunger pangs.

The Shelter People tried to help me. First they put me in a room full of other elderly cats — I suppose in the hope that I’d be able to forget about Dolly and find another old kitty friend. But I moped in the granny- and grandpa-cat room, too.

“What’s the matter, Blackie?” the Shelter Lady asked me as she sat down on the floor next to me and gently stroked my cheek. “The vet says you’re healthy and I’m doing the best I can to make you happy.”

She wiped away a little bit of water that had leaked from her eye. “I know it’s hard since Dolly left. If it helps at all, I miss her too.”

I looked up at the Shelter Lady. My eyes burned and moistened a little bit and I crawled over to her and curled up in her lap.

“But Blackie, you’ve got to eat. I’m worried about you!”

I’ll try, I said, stretching out my paws and giving her a poke with just the tips of my claws.

True to my word, I did try. Really, I tried! But even the smelly gooshy glop didn’t entice me. I ate a few bites here and there because if I didn’t, the world would start spinning around me and I’d feel like I was going to fall over.

One day I woke up from my dreamless sleep back into my dreary waking world, and I overheard two Shelter Humans talking, and I knew they were talking about me:

“… lost three ounces since Dolly left,” one voice said.

Then the other replied, “The vet says if he loses any more weight we’ve got to start force-feeding him.”

Force-feeding? That didn’t sound like fun! But what was I supposed to do? I missed Dolly so much I couldn’t even stand the ache of the iron lump in my heart.

I drifted off again, anticipating the painless oblivion of unconsciousness.

But then I heard something: A voice in my head, beautifully deep and dark, jasmine-scented, and filled with the memories of millions and millions of naps.

Peace, little one, it said. May your pain abate and your joyful memories of your faithful friend Dolly remain.

You must keep eating, keep drinking, keep breathing, child, because you have work to do.

But I’m so sad! I cried.

An aura of compassion and kindness settled around me and vibrated with the rhythm of a purr. Then the voice continued: Every cat has an important mission in this world. Dolly went to fulfill the final part of her work and her journey in this body, and the time for you to begin your mission is coming soon.

For the first time in lots of naps, I found myself starting to feel interested in life again.

Good girl, the voice told me. And yes, of course I know you’re a girl. I don’t know why those silly humans haven’t figured it out yet.

A brief chuckle.

Now listen, child. The Shelter People are going to take you and your brothers to a place where you’ll meet some more humans. One of those is a lady who recently lost a cat friend. She doesn’t know she’s looking for another cat, but that’s the way it usually goes! The voice chuckled again.

You’ll know this lady when you see her. I trust that you can make yourself suitably appealing and irresistible.

Of course I can! I said. I pride myself on being cute, fun, and glamorous, all at the same time!

Naturally, darling, the voice said. We black cats do have a gift for that. Now, wake up and have something to eat. You’ve got a lot of growing to do!

Thank you … er … uh, what’s your name? I asked.

I am known to cats as Glorious Flower of Wisdom, the voice told me. But my most recent person called me Sinéad.

See the rest of the story | Next chapter >

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

Hi. I am taking care of a 14-year-old orange tabby cat named Nick. Nick is my significant other’s cat. My SO is in the military and is currently deployed, and I think that has to do with the problem I am having with Nick. He won’t let me pet him. Whenever I try, he bites me. But he will lay down next to me or climb into my lap and give me kisses. I’ve read that biting when being petted could be because of over-stimulation. But if that were the case, wouldn’t he bite everybody who petted him? He only bites me. I have had friends come over, and he lets them pet him as long as they want. My SO can pretty much do whatever he wants to Nick, and Nick doesn’t try to stop him. What do you think is the problem? I’ve been living with my SO and Nick for over a year now.

~ Becca

Siouxsie: Well, Becca, this is a quite unfortunate situation for you and for Nick. But we do have a few suggestions that may help you figure out what’s going on, which may help you and Nick improve your relationship.

Thomas: First of all, you didn’t mention how Nick’s physical behavior is. Is he eating well and doing his business as usual? If his appetite or litterbox behavior has changed, it would probably be a good idea to get him to the vet for a checkup to rule out any illnesses.

Dahlia: Now that we’ve gotten the “common sense reminder” out of the way, here are a couple of questions you can think about as you consider what’s going on with Nick.

Siouxsie: First of all, has Nick had previous experiences of being put in the care of others when his person was deployed? If so, it’s possible that one of these experiences might have been traumatic to Nick — not necessarily because anybody deliberately hurt him, but because he got a frightening surprise or something happened that he associated with his caretakers.

Thomas: How long were you living with your SO before he was deployed? If you moved in shortly before he was sent overseas, Nick may somehow be associating your presence with your SO’s absence.

Dahlia: Did Nick let you pet him while your SO was at home? If Nick never was particularly affectionate with you while your SO was there, he may not be ready for love-fests quite yet.

Siouxsie: Our final question may be a little uncomfortable for you, but we have to ask: Have you and your SO been having any difficulties in your relationship? The reason we ask you to think about this is that cats, like children, have a knack for picking up on the emotional “vibes” in our homes and reflecting that energy back through our own behavior.

Thomas: In a multi-person household, a cat will tend to act out relationship dynamics by mimicking the behavior of the person to which he was most closely bonded.

Dahlia: And then, of course, there’s just the fact that Nick misses his daddy terribly and may even be grieving or depressed because of that. That doesn’t mean he won’t be nice to anybody, but he’s more likely to reject your gestures of affection because he doesn’t understand why you’re there and his person isn’t.

Siouxsie: Hopefully thinking about these issues has helped you get some ideas about why Nick is behaving as he is. Now, here are some things you can do that might help.

Thomas: Since Nick will sit with you and give you kisses, we think that means he still loves you, even if he rejects your petting. Maybe some evening while he’s sitting in your lap, you can just have a quiet talk with him. Tell him you miss your SO, too, and you’re really looking forward to the day he comes back home.

Dahlia: Some people feel silly talking to cats and wonder why they should bother. Do they honestly think we can’t understand them? Humph! What arrogance! We understand People Language much better than most people understand Cat!

Siouxsie: We don’t know if you have any chances to communicate with your SO by phone or web chat on a non-emergency basis, but if you do, try giving Nick a chance to hear his daddy say hello to him. It might do a world of good.

Thomas: If you don’t, maybe you could ask your SO to make a tape, CD, or MP3 message so that Nick could hear his voice. And you too, of course, because we imagine you miss him just as much as Nick does!

Dahlia: If you have any items of clothing or towels that still smell like your SO, you could put those things somewhere that Nick can have access to them. Once he’s used to the item of clothing, try stroking him gently with it.

Siouxsie: If Nick doesn’t want you to pet him, even with something that smells like your SO, you may just have to let him be. Enjoy the affection he gives you and don’t try to force more on him than he wants.

Thomas: While it is sad that Nick doesn’t want you to pet him, in the long run he’ll be extremely grateful that you respected his boundaries and were willing and able to meet him where he is.

Dahlia: Please let us know how things work out with you and Nick, and whether you were able to enlist your SO’s help in improving your relationship with his cat.