Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

My cat is about a year old. She came to us as a stray we found and we had her fixed and gave her the shots needed. When we found her she was pregnant. She had her babies under a neighbor’s house so although we were feeding her she was not around much because she was with the kittens. The kittens got older and we gave them away for adoption. The problem is that we are new to caring for an animal and we are unclear about a few things. She is now very finicky about food. I always have water and dry food available. We have tried many different types. She will nibble but that is all. I have tried introducing wet food. She doesn’t like that either. The other problem is that she is never satisfied. If she is inside she wants to go out. If she is out when she sees us she wants to come in. We give her a lot of attention but she’s still not happy. She meows constantly as though something is wrong or she is trying to tell us something. She is quiet for only a few hours a day if she is in a deep sleep. She seems to be lonely at times and greets us at our car and if we are outside she follows us everywhere but the constant meowing when we are trying to watch a movie or read is so very annoying. She is such a beautiful cat, but she’s worse than a toddler. I’m at my wit’s end! Please help!

~Donna

Siouxsie: It sounds like what you’ve got here is a cat whose life has drastically changed and isn’t coping too well with those changes. But fear not–we can help you.

Thomas: First, let’s talk about the food issue. Since your cat goes outside, it’s quite possible that she’s supplementing her diet with mice and other small creatures, thus her lack of interest in the food you put out for her. If her weight is good, don’t worry too much about it.

Dahlia: You will, however, need to deal with the finicky eating issue at some point. If you want to change her food, there’s a way to do this gradually. If there’s a type of food she likes, try adding a tiny bit of the new food into the food she usually eats. Add a bit more over the course of several weeks until she’s switched over to the new brand.

Siouxsie: If you leave the canned food in her dish for more than 20 minutes or so, she probably won’t eat it. The canned food tends to dry out and can begin to harbor nasty bacteria that would make her sick. Also, if you pull the canned food right out of the fridge and put it in her bowl, it’ll probably be too cold for her to eat.

Thomas: To make canned food more tempting, we recommend heating it in the microwave for five to ten seconds (in a microwave-safe dish, of course). This will make the aroma stronger and possibly more interesting to her.

Dahlia: As for the “Wrong-Side Syndrome” — which is actually quite common for cats that get to go outdoors — there are a couple of things you can do about that.

Siouxsie: If you own your home, you can install a cat door that will allow her to come and go as she pleases. You may have to show her how to use it at first, but once she gets the hang of it she’ll enjoy having her freedom.

Dahlia: If you rent, or if you just don’t want to deal with using tools, there are cat doors you can place in your sliding glass doors or windows.

Thomas: We should point out that we recommend keeping cats indoors only, for their safety and the safety of other animals including songbirds. But since your cat is used to going outside, if you choose to bring her indoors you would have to gradually transition her to being an indoor-only cat.

Dahlia: Now, about the constant meowing. Your cat may be meowing all the time because she’s bored. Do you play with her regularly? If not, a few vigorous play sessions a day might help her to feel less trapped.

Siouxsie: She may be missing her kittens and wondering what happened to them. Cats actually do have these kind of issues. If you think you can manage it and you think it would make your cat less dependent on you, consider adding another cat to your household. And again, although we counsel people to adopt adult cats, we think a younger cat might be a better choice in your case.

Thomas: The good news is that animal shelters are overflowing with kittens right now, so if you want a kitten, summer is a good time to get one. Before you adopt another cat, you would have to get permission from your landlord (if you rent), and expect to be asked for the name of your veterinarian so shelter staff can contact him or her to find out if you’re responsibly caring for the other cat in your household.

Dahlia: A while back, we wrote a column about how to deal with unwanted meowing and vocalizing. You’ll find more tips on specific ways to remedy this problem there.

Siouxsie: Good luck, Donna. Please let us know how things turn out!

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

My name is Todd! I am a short-haired 1.5-year-old fixed male kitty. My mom adopted me from the local shelter about six months ago. She loves me sooooo much! She does research whenever I do something she thinks is odd,  she makes sure I am healthy, and she takes me on play dates too! (I looove playing with other people and other kitties, but for the most part it’s just me and mom.)

Anyway, she was wondering a few things, so I thought I’d do some of the work for her since she takes care of me so well. I follow her around. A lot! I’m always in the same room with her, and never far away. When she’s sleeping, I’m there. When she’s watching a movie box, I watch with her. And even when  she is doing that thing with all the water on her head *shudder* I am not far away. Even when she goes to her litter box, I follow her and show her all my affection! Is this normal for a kitty? Mom says she has known dogs to do this, but — I’m proud to say — I am her very first cat, so all this is new to her. Am I so close to her because it’s just her and me? If she were to ever get a human roommate, or if she were to get me a kitty friend, would I not do this so much? Most of all,  mom just wants to know why I act this way.

~Todd (and my mom, Becky)

Siouxsie: First of all, Todd, let us congratulate you on making such a wise choice when you adopted your mom. It’s clear that she’s been very, very good to you and she’s doing everything a cat caretaker is supposed to do … and more!

Thomas: Your level of attachment to your human is more common than a lot of people think. Cats’ temperaments vary vastly. Some cats are quite standoffish and may not even care to be petted all that much, while some cats (like you and me) really enjoy human company and share it every moment we can.

Dahlia: Oh, me too! I chaperone Mama in the bathroom and make sure she brushes her teeth properly, I sleep next to her in bed, I jump on the desk and poke her sleeve when I want her to stop working on the computer and pet me, and everything. I don’t stay in the bathroom when she’s in the rainbox, though! *shudder*

Siouxsie: I’m sitting on Mama’s lap right now and supervising her as she types this column for us, so there!

Thomas: In essence, what we’re telling you is that neither you nor your mom need to worry that your behavior is evidence of something wrong.

Dahlia: The only problem you might have is if your mom goes away for a while on a vacation or a business trip and she can’t take you with her. Because you’re  the only cat in the house and you’re so closely bonded with your mom, you may get really depressed and lonely if she leaves.

Siouxsie: Sometimes super-bonded cats get so depressed when their people go away that they stop eating, and not eating could make you very sick. Some humans refer to a super-bonded cat as “dependent and needy,” although we find it quite insulting that some misguided people would think of our choice to remain near you as some sort of pathology!

Thomas: It might be a good idea for your mom to adopt a kitty friend for you. That way you can have a playmate and snuggle buddy, even if your mom isn’t around.

Dahlia (left) and Thomas have a nice snuggle on the couch.

Dahlia: Judging from the fact that your mom takes you on play dates, it sounds like you get along very well with other cats and other people. You might find it’s a lot of fun to have a feline friend at home. I know I love to snuggle with Thomas when Mama’s not around … and sometimes even when she is! When we snuggle, it makes Mama squee and take pictures of us.

Siouxsie: It’s been our experience that a boy cat and a girl cat will get along better together than two girl cats or two boy cats — unless the two cats of the same sex also happen to be littermates –but we think you and your mom will have better luck if she brings a female cat home to stay with you.

Thomas: The way your mom introduces a new cat into your household is going to make a big difference in how easily the introduction goes and how well you’ll get along together in the future. We’ve written several articles on introducing new cats, and the one we’re linking here has links to our previous columns on the subject as well.

Dahlia: We don’t know if your mom is willing or able to adopt another cat at this time, but we do think it will do wonders for your self-confidence. It almost certainly won’t detract from your love for your mom, but we do think it will help you to be happier in the long run. As wonderful as most humans are, Toby, there’s just no substitute for the company of another cat.

Siouxsie: Absolutely! Humans don’t wash your ears and the back of your head and stuff for you, now, do they?

Thomas: And you can’t chase a human around the house in the middle of the night, because they’re busy sleeping! And if you do wake them up in the middle of the night, they tend to be quite grumpy.

Dahlia: And as I said earlier, there’s nothing like a two-cat snuggle or synchronized sunbathing to make everything seem absolutely perfect with the world.

Siouxsie: Please let us know if your mom decides to adopt a friend for you and, if she does, how that goes. If she gets pictures of you snuggling, she can always e-mail them to us.

Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:

I have a wonderful female spayed tuxedo cat named Penelope. I love her, but she makes working at home very hard. After breakfast she comes into my home office, lays down in front of the keyboard and rests her head on my left forearm. To type I have to rest my right elbow gently on her hip. She then starts purring loudly. I don’t get to type much or she’ll get restless and register her displeasure somehow. This really slows me down.

All I can really do is mouse around a little. Actually I move the keyboard off the keyboard tray and back onto the desk so she can have the keyboard tray to herself.

She’s an indoor-outdoor cat. She has four other kitties to play with, including her womb-mate Aphrodite. We live in the country in a house, and there are squirrels, moles, voles, field mice, lizards, and birds to chase. She lives with a very nice, respectful German Shepherd dog too.

But she cries if I try to pick her up and put her aside so I can read my papers and type like a normal person. If I ignore her very long she sits up on her haunches and starts to paw me on the shoulders and cheek. If that doesn’t work, she starts to scratch me. Then if I start to absent-mindedly pet her she’ll bite me to get me to refocus exclusively on her. There’s no compromise with this cat! She must be the center of attention.

If I put her out the front door she runs around to the back door and starts pounding on it. There’s no doubt this wonderful kitty loves me and is usually an affectionate, comical bundle of laughs — but I would like her to be more emotionally independent. Any suggestions?

~Rita

Siouxsie: Rita, as you probably know, there are “people cats” and “cat cats.” People cats like Penelope clearly prefer the company of their humans to that of other cats, while cat cats tend to be more aloof with people. But we’d agree that Penelope’s behavior is a rather extreme example of people cat-ness.

Thomas: You didn’t mention how long Penelope has been exhibiting this behavior. If she’s been snuggly and cuddly with you since she was a kitten, then this is a behavior that’s grown over time. If, on the other hand, this behavior is a recent development, it could be that she was stressed or traumatized somehow and is turning to you, her person, for comfort.

Dahlia: It’s tricky to change a cat’s overly dependent behavior without causing her even more stress. The act of re-training a cat that’s overly dependent on a person for emotional support and comfort requires patience, because it can take quite a bit of time for the results to manifest.

Siouxsie: In some ways, the way you’ve responded to Penelope’s needy behavior has served as positive reinforcement. When you allow Penelope to have her way and keep you from doing what you need to do, or you rearrange your keyboard so that she can be where she wants to be, that’s telling her that it’s okay for her to be so demanding.

Thomas: The best way to address Penelope’s overdependent behavior is through a combination of positive reinforcement for the desired behavior, and the “no” and down (or out) method for undesired behavior. But as we said, this is going to require patience and consistency.

Dahlia: If you don’t mind Penelope being in the office with you, as long as she’s not on your arms or demanding attention, then you’re not going to have to retrain her all that much. But still, it may take patience.

Siouxsie: Positive reinforcement is the key. If Penelope learns to associate good things like treats or play or “mommy time” with staying out of your face, she’s more likely to undertake the behaviors you want. So before you undertake this positive reinforcement training, you’re going to have to get a few things.

Thomas: First, buy some treats that you know Penelope loves more than anything else, preferably treats that she doesn’t get on a regular basis. Then, get or make a special “thing on a string” toy that you can use to play with her. Keep this toy in a closet when you’re not using it. Finally, make Penelope a special place of her own where she can be near you and watch you without being on your lap — perhaps a special kitty bed on a corner of your desk or on a nearby shelf, or on a chair near a radiator or sunny window.

Dahlia: This special place shouldn’t be more than a couple of feet away from you, and it should be comfortable and warm. Perhaps you can even put one of your used shirts or pajamas in the bed so she can smell you when she cuddles up.

Siouxsie: When you’re working and Penelope gets in your lap, gently put her in her special place. Give her a treat (just one!) and lots of petting and love. Tell her what a good kitty she is for getting in her bed. When she starts to get out of her special place, reach out and pet her and tell her it’s okay, you’re here.

Thomas: Continue to do this, but don’t go crazy with the treats. We wouldn’t give Penelope more than three or four treats in a day. You can, of course, give her as much petting and love as you want. And make sure you adjust the amount of food she gets at mealtime to make up for the calories in the treats, or else you run the risk of her becoming obese.

Dahlia: If Penelope becomes demanding and continues to try and jump in your lap, that’s the time to say quietly but firmly, “no,” and put her on the floor. When she gives you a wounded look (and she will), pick her up and put her in her special place, give her petting and love, and tell her what a good kitty she is.

Siouxsie: When Penelope bites you, that’s another time for “no” and down. If she bites you to get your attention and she consistently hears “no” and is removed from your area, she’s eventually going to get the point that biting is not going to achieve the desired effect.

Thomas: And when she scratches, that’s also time for “no” and down (or out). If she keeps on scratching or biting, put her outside of your office and close the door. Give her a “time out” for 10 minutes or so, then let her back in. If she scratches or bites again, put her out again.

Dahlia: This method is all about reinforcing the behavior you want and consistently informing her in no uncertain terms about the behavior you don’t want.

Siouxsie: Penelope may and probably will cry, whine, pound doors and berate you until you think it would be better just to give in and let her have her way. But don’t give up; you still need to be consistent. It’ll be better for both of you in the long run.

Thomas: You can give Penelope a different and more constructive kind of “mommy time” by taking breaks from your work and playing with her using the “thing on a string” toy. If you’re doing a lot of keyboarding, you should take a couple of minutes every hour or so to stretch and take a walk around; it’ll keep you from getting repetitive motion injuries. And by playing with her, Penelope will get used to another style of interaction with you.

Dahlia: As an extra added bonus, a good play session will probably leave her tired and more inclined to curl up in her special place for a rest in a nice sun puddle.

Siouxsie: If you think Penelope’s behavior is due to anxiety, you might want to talk with your veterinarian and see if he or she has any other recommendations on how you can help her to feel calmer. Reducing anxiety may make Penelope more emotionally independent, too.

Thomas: Good luck, Rita. Changing Penelope’s behavior will take time and a lot of patience on your part. But the rewards will be worth it, for both you and Penelope. Please let us know how things turn out.